Okay, so I will try to enjoy Robert more & get annoyed less. ;) He would like me to go on walks or garden with him. Jonathan wants me to practice baseball with him. Tyler likes to go places. And Brian wants me to help him learn to draw & swim. Not all in one day, of course. But I can do one thing each day or every other day.

Think focusing more energy on the kids will be good for all of us. :)

Well this hasn't been a very cheerful blog for the past while. But not likely it would be under the circumstances. Should be uphill from here though. Also have to remember that I use the blog to say what I'm itching to say at that moment. And there are some things I still can't say even here. And I'm not faking being happy also.

Hard not to be needed. Hurts to be let go. I have to admit that's the hardest part. But it's okay. I need me & the kids need me. And there's always the dog & bird. ;) I'll find out who I am. And someone will need me too. :) So grateful to be feeling stronger & stronger every day. Only 6-11 days left. So this post is just me trying to prepare for the end.

Sorely tempted to make a commentary now on the other half of the story. Have aired my own faults and flaws plenty, probably even too much. And now feel like telling the rest of the story. But that would be wrong. So I'll bite my tongue and just say that I've only told half the story. But I think this is a good sign. Means I'm regaining my self respect, ready to stand up for myself again. It's a good thing. But since I don't want to be mean or regret anything I said, I won't say anything else about it. Might call Juliene & talk her poor ear off again. ;) But let the records show, I was only 50% of the problem. Okay, feel better now. :)

So working this week on putting all of the pieces of myself back where they belong. Divorce isn't easy on the self-esteem. (That's a huge understatement!) It's a huge magnifying glass on all of your weaknesses & failings. It's really been hard on every aspect of me. But I've been doing my best. And I've had tremendous help. I've been literally carried through this by the Lord & family & friends & loved ones. Cameron's been a great support. Sounds ironic, but I couldn't have gotten through this without his help & support. Family has been so kind & understanding. Friends have been so sweet, making me laugh & smile when I needed it. Okay so, in order to get myself back together, I need to focus on what I have done well. Sorry if this is annoying, but I have to document what I have done or am doing right since I spend most of the time thinking about how I've messed up or what I still need to do better. I've been doing my best to make good choices. I haven't been perfect, but I haven't done badly. I haven't argued or been angry with Cameron. We've discussed things but there's been no fighting or anger. A miracle, really. I've been working to help with everything & he has too. We've been able to work things out easily because we both want the other to be happy. I haven't given in to depression or hopelessness. It's threatened to pull me down, but I haven't given in & the Lord's kept my head above water. Each week's been better & easier than the last. A very good sign! I shouldn't be impatient. It'll all come together. The kid's are doing very well. Life's been going on as usual, mostly. Things are going well & next week will be easier than this week.

Last week I finally felt normal. This week I need to find a little more confidence.