Ken Jennings quote from Parade

Robert W.: You latest book idea sounds cool; you should collaborate with the MythBusters! My question: Geeks are far cooler now than they used to be. What do you think was the biggest factor in that change? 

Ken Jennings: Robert: I think two things led to geeks winning the terrible jocks-vs-nerds conflicts of the 1980s. One was the computer revolution: today's big tycoons and power players aren't broad-muscles he-men with big muttonchop sideburns like Rockefellers and Vanderbilts. They're pale, spindly creatures with acne scars and possibly some kind of autism-spectrum disorder: your Zuckerbergs and Gateses and Jobses. Second, the first kids raised on geek culture grew up and started running media companies, so now hobbits and wizards and superheroes aren't niche properties anymore, they're the subjects of summer tentpole movies.

Think of the purest, most all-consuming love you can imagine. Now multiply that love by an infinite amount—that is the measure of God’s love for you.
God does not look on the outward appearance.  I believe that He doesn’t care one bit if we live in a castle or a cottage, if we are handsome or homely, if we are famous or forgotten. Though we are incomplete, God loves us completely. Though we are imperfect, He loves us perfectly. Though we may feel lost and without compass, God’s love encompasses us completely.
He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. We are important to God not because of our résumé but because we are His children. He loves every one of us, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God’s love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked.
What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Heavenly Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us.

 (2009 October General Conference, The Love of God, Sat. Morning Session - Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have ^apeace. In the ^bworld ye shall have ^ctribulation: but be of good ^dcheer; I have ^eovercome the world."  John 16:33

Advice my cousin heard her 3 yr old giving her 2 yr old. "So the moral of the story is don't put a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet and don't put your hand under the couch." Wish I heard the rest of that story! ;)

Brian's Story

There was a squirrel on a plane to Utah. His plane was shot down by another squirrel, an army squirrel. So the squirrel jumped out. Then he got kidnapped by squirrel thieves. They took him to their hideout. Then they tied him to a chair, until the squirrel smashed into a wall. (At this point Tyler and Brian debated how the squirrel got free. Tyler suggested just untying himself. ;)) Then the squirrel went to a airport and went on a plane to Utah.

THE END! ;)

I wandered out into the rain tonight. I didn't plan to stay. But the drops were touching my skin, and the sky was dark and warm. So I had to stand out for a while And let the rain wash away all of the tired and sad And all of the "I shoulds". And for a while it was just okay to be me. Better than okay. For I while I was greatly loved exactly the way I am. :)

When I was alone, would you have been there?
When I was terrified, would you have held me?
When my world was falling apart, would you have helped hold me together?
When I needed someone, would you have been there?

When I couldn't find anything to love about myself, would you have loved me?
When I was in pain, would you have held me?
When I could barely remember my own name, would you have reminded me?
When I could hardly function, would you have helped me?

When I would smile during the day and cry every night, would you have held me?
When all I wanted to do was hide, would you have loved me?
When I looked haggard, old, and tired, would you have loved me?
When I was numb, would you have held me til I could feel again?

When I was sinking into myself, would you have helped me?
When I felt like a terrible person, would you have loved me?

Master the Tempest is Raging

Love this song! But couldn't find a good version on youtube. Love this talk also. The words of the song are the best part anyway. :) Feel like I've posted this before. Can't find it though. So maybe I just thought about posting it. Who knows! ;)

Went to the temple tonight with the boys. So nice! Needed it so bad! Was like getting to rest in heaven for a while. Felt like a vacation. Feel so much better! Worth all the effort to get there. Going to go again soon! :)

Love this song! The words always help me so much! So here they are.

How firm a foundation, ye Saints of the Lord, Is laid for your faith in his excellent word! What more can he say than to you he hath said, Who unto the Savior, who unto the Savior, Who unto the Savior for refuge have fled?

In ev’ry condition—in sickness, in health, In poverty’s vale or abounding in wealth, At home or abroad, on the land or the sea— As thy days may demand, as thy days may demand, As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be.

Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed, For I am thy God and will still give thee aid. I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, Upheld by my righteous, upheld by my righteous, Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go, The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’erflow, For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless, And sanctify to thee, and sanctify to thee, And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie, My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply. The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design Thy dross to consume, thy dross to consume, Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

E’en down to old age, all my people shall prove My sov’reign, eternal, unchangeable love; And then, when gray hair shall their temples adorn, Like lambs shall they still, like lambs shall they still, Like lambs shall they still in my bosom be borne.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes; That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, I’ll never, no never, I’ll never, no never, I’ll never, no never, no never forsake!

Text: Attr. to Robert Keen, ca. 1787. Included in the first LDS hymnbook, 1835. Music: Attr. to J. Ellis, ca. 1889 Isaiah 41:10; 43:2–5 (Hymns of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 85. How Firm a Foundation)

Wowee Zowee! (Or however you spell that. ;)) Played therapist 90% of today. Let's see. I had 6 patients today. I need to get an office & start charging. LOL!! Good thing I'm doing good & haven't minded. I did want to be a therapist after all. It's just my lifestyle, not my career. ;)

Been doing very, very good. Happened to stumble on this while looking for something else. And since it's one of my all-time favorite hymns and an absolutely gorgeous arrangement, I wanted to share. :)
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/music?lang=eng

Today's been a much better day. Mainly because I went for a long walk with Cookie & it made me feel so much better. So going to focus on being sure I walk or run every day. I feel soo much better when I do. :)

Mustn't give in to depression now. Absolutely the worst thing I could possibly do right. Have to fight hard with everything I have. I will NOT give in!

Just want to chat somehow. Whatever works.

Okay, for starters, I'm going to get rid of most of the junk in this house. It's been a huge problem for me ever since we moved here. We've accumulated too much junk and it just makes my life harder. So everything but the most important things are going. Next, what's next. I'm not sure. :) But this is step one. All but the best stuff is going. I'll get the boys to help. No more junk! :) So that's the goal for this week. :) Okay, I feel better now! Now to finish the darn laundry. Blech! ;)

Need to figure out who I'm going to be now. :) Time to be me. So time to find out who that is. :)

There once was a girl who wanted the world. So she loved & she learned & she tried to be good. But there was a fire inside her that she couldn't control. Everyone said it was a very bad thing. So one day she decided to hide who she was. She was afraid of herself. Then she tried hard to be who they wanted her to be. But the fire still burned & she couldn't hide forever. It would flare to life when things got hard. So she'd push it down & try again. One day she learned how to control it. But she kept the fire down because she didn't know how to use it. Then, someone else's fire lit her own & she remembered who she was. So the fire began to burn & but it didn't have a purpose. Someday she'll know what the fire is for & the world will be brighter for it.

The sun followed the moon around the sky to rest it's head in the cool of night. The moon followed the sun to warm it's face and see the world from way up high. They followed each other until one day when the sun asked the moon to stay by it's side. Now the moon waits for the sun to show her face & stays to shine as the world wakes to life. 

1 And it came to pass that we did again take our journey in the wilderness; and we did travel nearly eastward from that time forth. And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness; and our women did bear children in the wilderness. 2 And so great were the blessings of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong, yea, even like unto the men; and they began to bear their journeyings without murmurings. 3 And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did provide means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness. (Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi, Chapter 17)

Definitely needed that extra week. Wasn't ready for this last week. But I think I can handle it now. Convinced the timing's not a coincidence. Haven't been given any new challenges til I'm prepared for them. Thank you Heavenly Father!

We must have needed more time. So odd. I feel strange at the moment. Happy, sad, & feels weird all rolled into one.

Holy CRAP! Cameron called the lawyer to see why things were taking so long. She called the judge. Turns out the judge signed the papers & filed them himself & we've been divorced since the 9th & no one bothered to tell us! Here I've been trying so hard to be patient & it's been over for a week! Is this an attempt to drive me insane! LOL! I'm a little weirded out at the moment, to be honest! I'll get used to the idea in a minute, I think. Jiminy! How's that for weird!

Aww phooey! Didn't come today either. Maybe tomorrow. Feel like I keep saying that.

Papers didn't come over the weekend. We were both sure they would. Still could come this afternoon or tomorrow.

Okay, so not my best day ever. Not my worst either. But I think I'm ready for this week now. Right? Right! :)

Feel like I've been climbing out of a canyon since the middle of January. It hasn't been easy. When you're still close to the bottom, it can all look pretty impossible. But it's been getting easier lately. I'm close to the top now and feel more rested & stronger now. Still have some more climbing to do. But it seems more doable now. Just a little farther. Just need to take a deep breath and pray for a little more strength to finish climbing. Definitely know I didn't get this far by myself. :)

Inspiration! New idea for getting healthier that's simple & good. Best kind of ideas! Wish me luck!

Looking like Monday, most likely. Papers didn't come in today.

Looks like divorce will be final tomorrow or Monday. Our lawyer is off on Friday. I think I'm as ready as I can be. Feeling good & peaceful about everything.

Poor Jonathan hates middle school. Told him most of the people on this planet hated middle school and high school is usually a lot better. And the things that make you cool in middle school aren't really that great. Told him that kids in middle school are dorky, mean, awkward, & stupid. Told him that any kids that make fun of his art are probably jealous. And he's a fabulous artist even if they call him names. Told him he's lucky to have two really good friends cause that's more than I had. And he's lucky no one's trying to beat him up every day like they did his dad. Finally told him that he'd have better luck making friends with girls cause they'll like him more. Have avoided telling him that til now cause I know how much they'll like him. But he's almost 13, so it's time, I think. Plus there's only six weeks left til summer & he'll be done with 7th grade forever. Thank heavens! Oh the joys of middle school! :)

Time for phase two. :) Time to go from doing okay to doing great. :)

So happy! Closure! Very good closure! Feel truly peaceful & completely happy & excited for the future again for the first time in months. Feel whole again & it's an amazing feeling. May it last all week! Or even better, forever! ;) So nice to feel emotionally healthy again! Geez, it's amazing to feel like me again! Was starting to wonder how long it would take. Oh may it last! Looking forward to having another really good day tomorrow! My heart feels like it's been freed from the pain & sadness! Feel really, really happy! Thank you Heavenly Father! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Another couple of puzzle pieces click into place. Thank you Heavenly Father! :)

Huge thank you to my grandma for the chat. Thank you to my mom & sisters & even Brandt & my mother-in-law for their kindness & support. Feel tons better. :)

So frustrating to be so close to being recovered but not quite be there. Have really good days where I feel strong & happy. And the next day, not so much. It's like seeing the finish line but not quite being able to reach it yet. Need to accept the fact that it's a little further away than I'd like it to be. I think another thing that's making it hard is that the marriage relationship is nearly gone now. The friendship is still there. But the feeling of having someone to rely on is nearly gone. Probably need to talk to more family to get me through the next few days. Guess I'm not strong enough yet not to have support. Cameron's lucky he doesn't need anyone. Makes it easier for him.

6 But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words. And thus it is. Amen. (Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi, Chapter 9)

Okay, so I will try to enjoy Robert more & get annoyed less. ;) He would like me to go on walks or garden with him. Jonathan wants me to practice baseball with him. Tyler likes to go places. And Brian wants me to help him learn to draw & swim. Not all in one day, of course. But I can do one thing each day or every other day.

Think focusing more energy on the kids will be good for all of us. :)

Well this hasn't been a very cheerful blog for the past while. But not likely it would be under the circumstances. Should be uphill from here though. Also have to remember that I use the blog to say what I'm itching to say at that moment. And there are some things I still can't say even here. And I'm not faking being happy also.

Hard not to be needed. Hurts to be let go. I have to admit that's the hardest part. But it's okay. I need me & the kids need me. And there's always the dog & bird. ;) I'll find out who I am. And someone will need me too. :) So grateful to be feeling stronger & stronger every day. Only 6-11 days left. So this post is just me trying to prepare for the end.

Sorely tempted to make a commentary now on the other half of the story. Have aired my own faults and flaws plenty, probably even too much. And now feel like telling the rest of the story. But that would be wrong. So I'll bite my tongue and just say that I've only told half the story. But I think this is a good sign. Means I'm regaining my self respect, ready to stand up for myself again. It's a good thing. But since I don't want to be mean or regret anything I said, I won't say anything else about it. Might call Juliene & talk her poor ear off again. ;) But let the records show, I was only 50% of the problem. Okay, feel better now. :)

So working this week on putting all of the pieces of myself back where they belong. Divorce isn't easy on the self-esteem. (That's a huge understatement!) It's a huge magnifying glass on all of your weaknesses & failings. It's really been hard on every aspect of me. But I've been doing my best. And I've had tremendous help. I've been literally carried through this by the Lord & family & friends & loved ones. Cameron's been a great support. Sounds ironic, but I couldn't have gotten through this without his help & support. Family has been so kind & understanding. Friends have been so sweet, making me laugh & smile when I needed it. Okay so, in order to get myself back together, I need to focus on what I have done well. Sorry if this is annoying, but I have to document what I have done or am doing right since I spend most of the time thinking about how I've messed up or what I still need to do better. I've been doing my best to make good choices. I haven't been perfect, but I haven't done badly. I haven't argued or been angry with Cameron. We've discussed things but there's been no fighting or anger. A miracle, really. I've been working to help with everything & he has too. We've been able to work things out easily because we both want the other to be happy. I haven't given in to depression or hopelessness. It's threatened to pull me down, but I haven't given in & the Lord's kept my head above water. Each week's been better & easier than the last. A very good sign! I shouldn't be impatient. It'll all come together. The kid's are doing very well. Life's been going on as usual, mostly. Things are going well & next week will be easier than this week.

Last week I finally felt normal. This week I need to find a little more confidence.

Divorce will be final in 13-20 days. Depends on how long it takes the judge & lawyer to process everything.

Oh yay! Just remembered something. It's the little things. Actually it's not that little to me and it's fantastic! Yay! So relieved! :)

Things are going extremely well. Probably couldn't go much better. We're all doing very, very good. It really is miraculous. I feel that I've been helped a ton. Feel like my burdens have been lightened to an amazing degree. And feel like a way has been made. But just felt like expressing some of the contradictions of my situation. Forgot to add- Sad, but happy. Happy, but sad. Alone, but not. With, but without. Wrong, but right. Can't, but should. Bad, but good. Good, but bad. Anyway, I could probably keep going. Promise we're doing very well. Just so many contradictory things in this situation. I'm sure they'll all resolve with a little time.

Contradictions

Be, but can't. No, but must. Go, but stay. Right, but wrong. Love, but don't. Help, but wait. Yes, but no. Love, but don't. Be, but can't. Stay, but go. Shouldn't, but should. No, but yes. Yes, but no. Do, but can't. Love, but don't. Wait, but don't. Go, but stay. Do, but can't. Love, but don't. Yes, but no.

There's a solution for everything.

Love Human by The Killers!! Really should get ready for bed now. Goodnight!! Sweet dreams!! :)!!

Watching Oprah interview Lady Gaga. Don't like her persona. But think I might like Stefani, the real person.

Just realized that today is the first day I feel completely normal. Most of yesterday was good. But today I finally just feel like me again. No stress, no complicated emotions, just me. It's wonderful!! I don't feel worn out or worn down. Just normal. Normal is so nice!! I am bored now though. LOL! Juliene called to chat & my sweet friend was so kind & thoughtful of me at church. Bless her!! It's been a great day! Been listening to music. Want to chatter more with friends. Don't like being patient! Are you supposed to like being patient?? ;) What to do, what to do? I guess I'll see if there's anything good on tv. :) Hugs, kisses, & love to all of my family, friends, & loved ones!! Thank you for all of your kindness! And now if only I weren't bored! ;)

Really admire Nico Muhly & Philip Glass. Not all alternative classical appeals to me. Wonder how many other soundtrack composers would be considered alternative classical composers. Seems like soundtracks would be the most likely place to hear alternative classical. Really cool to have kids learn such unique music.

So lately the idea of being alone has been eating me up. I've been feeling ill & panicky every time I think about spending weekends by myself while the kids are with Cameron. I hadn't been able to cope with the idea. Thought I might just have to follow the kids to Cameron's house & stay there too. But today I realized that I have to start thinking about the positives and learn to enjoy the freedom of being alone or I'll drive myself crazy. It's literally going to be the most I've ever been alone in my life. Growing up with 9 siblings you're rarely alone even when you want to be. I can only think of one time I was home alone. I was in 4th grade & had the chicken pox & everyone else was at church. I remember it vividly because it felt so strange to be by myself. In college I always had roommates and in the summer I lived with my parents or grandparents. Then of course I got married & had Robert 9 months later. And Cameron's never traveled much. So yeah, this will be new for me. But I have 3 weeks to start thinking about it as a good thing. I'll get to do what I want, when I want. I can be how I want to be. I don't have to impress anyone or compromise with anyone. I can spend time with whoever I'd like. I can go places I've been wanting to go. There will be no one to interrupt whatever I'm working on. I can get up as late as I want & stay up as late as I want. And I can play all day if I feel like it. Going to start thinking this way more instead of carrying around a knot in my stomach. So here's to the good things about being alone. :)

Yippee!! Calendar marked!! Very good news! Thank goodness for music! Calms me! :)

The dog gave me a look & went outside where it's quieter. ;)

When a day & a half feels like forever & I feel like stomping my feet in frustration! Won't do me any good though. Have to do it anyway. So should just get going. Have plenty to keep me busy. Okay, okay!! I'm going!

Actually going to sleep properly tonight at a normal hour instead of falling asleep & waking up at 3 or 4 am and going back to sleep. :) Family responses have been so sweet so far. Feel very blessed. Goodnight everyone! All my love! :)

The da Vinci show was a little boring. Watching Frozen Planet now. Much more interesting! ;)

Working on getting all my duckies in a row & making sure my head's on nice & straight. ;) Was a busy day. Got up at 7:30. Nother busy day at church. Got home at 2 pm. Took a nap. Finally wrote the email to the rest of my family that I'd been putting off. That was hard! Felt emotionally drained for a bit after that. Finally just relaxing this evening. :) Loved the Margaret Mitchell documentary. Now watching a documentary on finding a lost da Vinci drawing. :) So nice to just relax. :)

Watching a great documentary on Margaret Mitchell's life. Fascinating!!

The good news is that life doesn't end even when it gets turned completely upside down. Learning that the best thing to do is to make the very best of whatever you're given instead of getting angry that things aren't the way they seem like they should be. Still get to learn more patience though. And how to better stand on my own. Luckily the Lord's help & comfort are always available. And I'm sure I'll have plenty more to learn. But we're here to learn & grow. Need to learn my lessons as well as possible so that they'll serve me well in the future. Still feel like the Lord is making things as easy for me as possible. Things will all work out. Just have to keep moving forward. :)

Hmm.. I seem to have lost the link somewhere. Will fix it in a bit. :)
Okey-doke. All fixed! ;)

Today has been going very, very well. But that overwhelmed feeling started creeping up on me, just because it does sometimes. This is what calmed me back down. Reminds me of how blessed I already am. And things will be okay. :)

Tomorrow morning we sign & file the settlement papers. And then wait for 4-6 weeks for everything to be final. Everything's going extremely well. Miraculously well, actually. Everyone is happy and things are peaceful & calm. Cameron's living here til everything's final. There's no tension between us. That's all gone now. We get along much better now. We're still best friends and still work together on everything. The kids are happy because there's no tension in the air and their lives are still exactly the same. Has to be one of the most peaceful divorces ever. If it has to end, this is the best way to do it.

New rule! No thinking about problems or issues from the past.  Very, very bad idea right now. Can only handle the present and the past is past and dealt with.  The present is going as well as possible. So to keep from getting bogged down, must only focus on now. :)

Told Brian I was going to go pick up Robert. "Don't lock yourself out of your car," he says. Mommy would hope she's not nearly spacey enough to do that two days in a row! Let's hope! ;)

Hit my first real wall today. Was bound to happen. Was hoping it wouldn't. But it was inevitable. Cameron called and talked me through it just at the moment I was sure I couldn't possibly get over it. So sweet of him! Thank you to another amazing person for making me laugh when I couldn't think of anything to be happy about. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Okay, over the wall. Must put wall behind me. Turning on music & getting in the shower. And the rest of this day will be okay. :)

Was praying about what to think about myself. Couldn't sort myself out. A line we would repeat in girl's youth group came into my mind. "I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me and I love Him." It's the one thing I know for sure right now. So I've been repeating it over & over & over again. And I'll just keep repeating as long as I need to.

The babies & Robert are back to their usual happy selves today. Brian came to check to see if I was happy. Since I am, he's happy. Jonathan's better but still recovering. If all keeps going as well & happily as it has been, he should feel a lot better about it soon.

So this morning after taking Robert to Mrs. Wallace's house, I went to get gas & somehow managed to lock myself out of the minivan. Good grief! ;) Cameron called a locksmith. But it took 2 hrs for him to get there. So I sat on a bench & watched people come & go. Interesting seeing the people who came through. There was a guy who was also waiting & we chatted. He's trying to find a job. Nice guy. We were both snacking & he even took my garbage to the trash can for me. Lots of people said hi as they walked by. One guy waved at me like he knew me. Thought maybe he was waving at someone behind me. But there was no one else. Very kind of him. Another guy in his 60's with beard and longish white hair had "boss" stenciled with yellow spray paint on the calves of his overalls. Do overalls have calves?? LOL! He was nice & said something to me as he walked by. But his southern accent was so strong that I couldn't catch what he said.

Well, things should get better and better for them as we go along.  We'll make sure they're as happy and loved as possible. And with us both as much as possible. Things will work out.

It would sure be nice if life were easier than it actually is.  Told the kids tonight. Did the best we could to reassure them.  But it was still hard.  Jonathan's most upset, like I thought he would be.  The others should be happy as long as things are good for them.  Not quite so easy with Jonathan. He's more likely to have things to work out.  I guess the best thing to do is make things as good as possible for the children and keep a close eye on them and meet their needs as they arise.  It'll probably make better parents out of us.  Probably pay closer attention to them because of this. That's what I'm hoping anyway. And may the Lord give them compensation for our failings and weaknesses.

Things are going miraculously well. Cameron & I both feel peaceful & happy. Ran out of time to tell the kids today. Will tomorrow. Papers will be filed by the end of the week and all will be final in 4-6 weeks after. We hope all of our friends & family are understanding. We both know it's for the best.

Things are going very, very well. We've already divided everything. Now just need to figure out budgets for settlement. Cameron & I are both calmer & happier now. We did the very best we could. But considering our personalities, it needed to be this way. The hardest thing left to do is tell the kids, which we will do today. Pray for us & for them!! They'll need it the most.

So tired but doing good. Have felt love surrounding me all day & coming from every direction. Feel like Heavenly Father is carrying me through this. Cameron has been so kind and helpful today. The kids have been helpful & friends have been so sweet to me! I'm so blessed!

It will work out fine. We work well together. We'll have everything settled soon peacefully. We still like & care about each other.

I will be alone soon. Things are moving fast. I didn't want this, but he does. Heaven help me!

So much for sleep! At least the knot in my stomach is gone & I'm feeling good. Maybe it's just tiredness but I feel a lot calmer.

I swear! My brain is trying to run through every aspect of my past, present, & future down to the stupidest minutia! Shut up, shut up, shut up!! How do you make it stop!! ;)

Dang hard to sleep tonight! Brain won't be quiet.

I feel sick & sad.

Trying to decide if I'm an awful person. I'm not. But I'm definitely flawed. I wish I weren't. I wish I was the perfect wife. But I'm not. I'm flawed. But I'll keep working on those flaws for the rest of my life. But I'm just doing the best I can. But I'll still do better.

Me moody?!? Never!! LOL! I'm just a calm, sweet, placid soul who never, ever gets worked up. Ever! Can't you tell?? ;)

Very happy with the start I made on Tina's song. I think it will be good, at least for me. Excited to see what it turns into. So, I've decided I can do this. I will succeed & everything will be all right. So here's to new songs & doing the right thing. And everything working out the way it should. :)

Gonna go mess around on the piano for a bit before my mom comes and I gotta clean the house. Cleaning... Bah! Okay, okay, I'll be good. But first to play! ;)

Music and art are magic! And magic is magic! LOL! ;)

Want to see if I can write a tune for Miss Tinabell (@tinotino_s) cause she was so sweet to send me a postcard from South Korea. Haven't been able to think of a dang thing to send her back. So, I'm gonna attempt to write a little tune for her. Wish me luck! And if it goes really well, I'll write one for Lilly (@Hergutz) who's also been amazingly sweet to me. Bless her!

I gotta say, I dunno why anyone wants to move like Jagger cause those moves are pretty ridiculous! ;)

Nother crazy factoid, at least to me. Mr. Roberto is nearly 6'1" now. He's gotta stop growing someday, right? ;)

Jiminy Cricket! 101 page views yesterday! Realize that there are only a few people actually reading and some aren't from people, but still!

I have the most amazing friends and family on the planet! I'm so blessed, it's unreal! They put up with me and still love me and are such amazing people. So very blessed! :)

Getting a kick out of listening to Florence & the Machine again tonight. Can't listen to her if I'm struggling to keep my mood up cause it's moody music. ;) But tonight it's great fun to listen to. :)

Should just go play the cello. Will help get me out of this weird mood I'm in. :)

Because it makes me happy. Love Audrey Hepburn. Really admire her. And love this song. :)

Come What May, and Love It

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

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When I was young I loved playing sports, and I have many fond memories of those days. But not all of them are pleasant. I remember one day after my football team lost a tough game, I came home feeling discouraged. My mother was there. She listened to my sad story. She taught her children to trust in themselves and each other, not blame others for their misfortunes, and give their best effort in everything they attempted.

When we fell down, she expected us to pick ourselves up and get going again. So the advice my mother gave to me then wasn’t altogether unexpected. It has stayed with me all my life.

“Joseph,” she said, “come what may, and love it.”

I have often reflected on that counsel.

I think she may have meant that every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don’t sing and bells don’t ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result.

There may be some who think that General Authorities rarely experience pain, suffering, or distress. If only that were true. While every man and woman on this stand today has experienced an abundant measure of joy, each also has drunk deeply from the cup of disappointment, sorrow, and loss. The Lord in His wisdom does not shield anyone from grief or sadness.

For me, the Lord has opened the windows of heaven and showered blessings upon my family beyond my ability to express. Yet like everyone else, I have had times in my life when it seemed that the heaviness of my heart might be greater than I could bear. During those times I think back to those tender days of my youth when great sorrows came at the losing end of a football game.

How little I knew then of what awaited me in later years. But whenever my steps led through seasons of sadness and sorrow, my mother’s words often came back to me: “Come what may, and love it.”

How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.

If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.

Over the years I have learned a few things that have helped me through times of testing and trial. I would like to share them with you.

Learn to Laugh

The first thing we can do is learn to laugh. Have you ever seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all the way back to Adam? Or have you had an encounter with an overhanging cupboard door left open at the wrong place and the wrong time which has been cursed, condemned, and avenged by a sore-headed victim?

There is an antidote for times such as these: learn to laugh.

I remember loading up our children in a station wagon and driving to Los Angeles. There were at least nine of us in the car, and we would invariably get lost. Instead of getting angry, we laughed. Every time we made a wrong turn, we laughed harder.

Getting lost was not an unusual occurrence for us. Once while heading south to Cedar City, Utah, we took a wrong turn and didn’t realize it until two hours later when we saw the “Welcome to Nevada” signs. We didn’t get angry. We laughed, and as a result, anger and resentment rarely resulted. Our laughter created cherished memories for us.

I remember when one of our daughters went on a blind date. She was all dressed up and waiting for her date to arrive when the doorbell rang. In walked a man who seemed a little old, but she tried to be polite. She introduced him to me and my wife and the other children; then she put on her coat and went out the door. We watched as she got into the car, but the car didn’t move. Eventually our daughter got out of the car and, red faced, ran back into the house. The man that she thought was her blind date had actually come to pick up another of our daughters who had agreed to be a babysitter for him and his wife.

We all had a good laugh over that. In fact, we couldn’t stop laughing. Later, when our daughter’s real blind date showed up, I couldn’t come out to meet him because I was still in the kitchen laughing. Now, I realize that our daughter could have felt humiliated and embarrassed. But she laughed with us, and as a result, we still laugh about it today.

The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable.

Seek for the Eternal

The second thing we can do is seek for the eternal. You may feel singled out when adversity enters your life. You shake your head and wonder, “Why me?”

But the dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to each of us. At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is exempt.

I love the scriptures because they show examples of great and noble men and women such as Abraham, Sarah, Enoch, Moses, Joseph, Emma, and Brigham. Each of them experienced adversity and sorrow that tried, fortified, and refined their characters.

Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others.

Because Jesus Christ suffered greatly, He understands our suffering. He understands our grief. We experience hard things so that we too may have increased compassion and understanding for others.

Remember the sublime words of the Savior to the Prophet Joseph Smith when he suffered with his companions in the smothering darkness of Liberty Jail:

“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”¹

With that eternal perspective, Joseph took comfort from these words, and so can we. Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome.

The Principle of Compensation

The third thing we can do is understand the principle of compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.

One of the blessings of the gospel is the knowledge that when the curtain of death signals the end of our mortal lives, life will continue on the other side of the veil. There we will be given new opportunities. Not even death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving Heavenly Father.

Because Heavenly Father is merciful, a principle of compensation prevails. I have seen this in my own life. My grandson Joseph has autism. It has been heartbreaking for his mother and father to come to grips with the implications of this affliction.

They knew that Joseph would probably never be like other children. They understood what that would mean not only for Joseph but for the family as well. But what a joy he has been to us. Autistic children often have a difficult time showing emotion, but every time I’m with him, Joseph gives me a big hug. While there have been challenges, he has filled our lives with joy.

His parents have encouraged him to participate in sports. When he first started playing baseball, he was in the outfield. But I don’t think he grasped the need to run after loose balls. He thought of a much more efficient way to play the game. When a ball was hit in his direction, Joseph watched it go by and then pulled another baseball out of his pocket and threw that one to the pitcher.

Any reservations that his family may have had in raising Joseph, any sacrifices they have made have been compensated tenfold. Because of this choice spirit, his mother and father have learned much about children with disabilities. They have witnessed firsthand the generosity and compassion of family, neighbors, and friends. They have rejoiced together as Joseph has progressed. They have marveled at his goodness.

Trust in the Father and the Son

The fourth thing we can do is put our trust in our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.

“God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.”² The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in.

He who descended below all things will come to our aid. He will comfort and uphold us. He will strengthen us in our weakness and fortify us in our distress. He will make weak things become strong.³

One of our daughters, after giving birth to a baby, became seriously ill. We prayed for her, administered to her, and supported her as best we could. We hoped she would receive a blessing of healing, but days turned into months, and months turned into years. At one point I told her that this affliction might be something she would have to struggle with the rest of her life.

One morning I remember pulling out a small card and threading it through my typewriter. Among the words that I typed for her were these: “The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.”

She did put her trust in God. But her affliction did not disappear. For years she suffered, but in due course, the Lord blessed her, and eventually she returned to health.

Knowing this daughter, I believe that even if she had never found relief, yet she would have trusted in her Heavenly Father and “[left] the rest to Him.”

Conclusion

Although my mother has long since passed to her eternal reward, her words are always with me. I still remember her advice to me given on that day long ago when my team lost a football game: “Come what may, and love it.”

I know why there must be opposition in all things. Adversity, if handled correctly, can be a blessing in our lives. We can learn to love it.

As we look for humor, seek for the eternal perspective, understand the principle of compensation, and draw near to our Heavenly Father, we can endure hardship and trial. We can say, as did my mother, “Come what may, and love it.” Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Show References

1. 1. D&C 121:7–8.
2. 2. John 3:16.
3. 3. See Ether 12:27.

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This because I feel restless and a little frazzled this morning and this is helping me. :)

And now to practice the cello. Ooh hoo hoo!! ;) So dang much fun, it should be illegal!! LOL! ;)

Two things that make me very, very happy at the moment.  A drawing that Jonathan just finished that I love. He didn't want to put it on his blog. So I get to. :) And the back of the daffodil that I think is so pretty that I forgot to post the other day. :)

Hope everyone has a fantastically awesome Killers kinda day!! :)

Can't do just one! Sam's Town!! I hope the same thing! Hope everyone I love has a Sam's Town. :)

Thank you Pandora!! Needed that! :)

Gotta go to bed like a good girl. Don't want to! But winter break is over & back to school tomorrow. Poopie!! LOL! ;) But I'll get more done, right? But it was fun doin' stuff with the kids.

You better not be retirin' any time soon Meryl Streep!

Some great looking short documentaries & animation! Curious about the Pakistan film now. Looks good! Bunch of stuff to find out about.

Yay Christopher Plummer!!

Have to see the Cirque de Soleil part again. So much to see! Good job Chris Rock!!

"Let's get out of here!" & "I'd like to thank everyone who's ever been born!" are some of the best lines tonight. The regular folks are sometimes more interesting than the stars.

Loved the Iranian guys speech! Interested in seeing his film. So happy for Octavia Spencer!!

Been a very good day! Listening to Sarah McLachlan :)

Just finished practicing the cello. Soo fun!! So exciting!! Coming along pretty quickly. Goal--to play like a senior in high school by the end of the year. :) Something to look forward to!! Makes me so happy! Starting to get past the really awkward beginning stage. Oh yeah! ;) Goodnight!! :)

Thank goodness for music. Was feeling absolutely emotionally dead. It's been a rough 24 hrs for me. Just feeling sad. Couldn't find any will to finish the day. A few good songs, especially an ABBA song, and I feel okay again. Hoping for a better week this week. Tomorrow's bound to be better than today. Right? Right! :)

Not my best day ever, that's fer dang sure! ;) But doing better now. I will survive!! I will! :)

I have a really strong, passionate personality. It's really hard to know what to do with myself sometimes, honestly. Very few people understand what it's like.

Still feel awful! This is so not my day! So not fair!! So not fair!! So not fair!!

I'm not crazy. But today everything hurts & hurts & I feel like crying & crying & crying. Sat outside for a while & that helped. The daffodil has bloomed & my hydrangea is looking better. Don't know why I don't like the front of daffodils much, but I don't. Like the back a lot more. So took a picture of the back that I'll post later. :) They are a gorgeous yellow. Had to get up early. Going to take a nap now cause it usually helps a ton. Hopefully wake up feeling happier & stronger. :)

My brain's too tired to think much anymore today. Thinking I'm crazy kinda thoughts. Will sort that out tomorrow. Good night everyone! Lots of love!! :)

Had a great cello lesson. Still learning how to hold everything properly. :) Mustn't grip the bow. Hafta let it just rest in your fingers. But it keeps wanting to fall out of my fingers! ;) Must hold my elbow up, but not too high. And the distance between whole notes is like an inch on the neck and feels super awkward. Turns out you use different finger muscles to stretch to reach keys on the piano. But at least I can read the music. Just haven't memorized where the notes are on the strings. Does it sound like I'm complaining? I'm not, I promise. :) It all fascinates me and I get super excited when I can play something, which I can now, just a little. :)

Really wish I could make everyone happy all at once. But all I can do is my best to do the right thing & hope & hope & hope & pray & pray & pray that everyone will be very happy soon.

Yesterday was successfully survived. Honestly wasn't sure I'd be able to successfully get through 24 hrs. I think it'll be okay now. The real test will come 3 days from now. I will survive! It'll be okay.

It'll be interesting to see what life brings. It always has a few surprises up it's sleeve. Never would have guessed we'd live in GA again after we moved away. But it makes perfect sense now. Never would have guessed that Mrs. Wallace would be homeschooling Robert now. But it's absolutely exactly what he needed. Just saying that it'll be interesting to see what happens in the next year or two. :)

Time to go jog slowly in the basement. The allergy headache is gone & I'm wide awake. So, might as well. :)

I do love Miss Becca! She's the bestest! Lucky to have her for a friend. :)

I won't lose this fight, I won't! I won't give up til I've won. There's only one way out, and it's up. Up's not as easy as down.  Up is harder to achieve. But the Lord will help me & show me the way, And we'll all go up from here. 

And now I'll cry a little and then go take Robert to the psychiatrist. It's a gorgeous day today. A picture from the dog park earlier today. :)

Up and over this mountain called the next few months. Up, gotta go up! The beginning is the hardest part. It should get easier & easier & clearer as I go. Wish me luck! :)

Everything will be the way it should be. Great things will happen. Everyone will be completely happy in the end. I know this but I need to trust enough not to worry. No worries, no worries! Heavenly Father knows what He's doing. And He wants us all to be happy. I have to trust, I have to trust.

Feeling calmer now. Miss Tina sent me a postcard from South Korea. What a sweet friend!! Must think of something Georgian to send her. Boiled peanuts? Nah! I don't even like them & they look like poop. And they're wet! LOL! What to send her, what to send her? Yes, I'm repeating myself a lot today. What can I say! ;)

Praying & praying & praying that everything will be all right.

There's a bright future ahead. Everything will be all right, I promise!

Everything will be all right! Everything will be all right, I promise! Somehow everything will be all right!

About to clean the boys' bathroom. Yikes! Need a hazmat suit for this job! LOL!! Verwy scarwey! Today we'll call it "The Pit of Despair". Wasn't that what it was called on The Princess Bride?? Okay...it's not that bad! ;) It's just dang yucky! I dare anyone with 4 young boys to tell me their bathroom stays clean for very long. Anyone...?? (Silence) See! Proof!! LOL!! (And for the record, I'm not entirely insane. My blog is read by a handful of people. They come for the crazy, I know it! ;))

Was remembering how excited I'd get when I heard this song on the radio when I was in elementary school. It wasn't just because I liked the way it sounded. It was because it said exactly what I felt and still does. I still say that this is the best version that exists. There are lots of covers. Nicer voices have sung it. But I still say Jim Henson sang it best.

Forgot the ladybug on the strawberry plant. :)

Brian's humming along with Ordinary Miracle. Didn't know he knew it. Makes me happy! :)

No Need to Teach a Seed to Grow

Thank you to Sarah Mclachlan and her crazy beautiful voice!! Big fan of hers.  Ordinary Miracle is on her "Rarities, B-sides and Other Stuff" album which I love. Lots of gorgeous songs on it. 

Just dawned on my that the line is "no need to teach a seed to grow" in Ordinary Miracle. All this time I was hearing it wrong. How appropriate! For some reason that line makes me really happy today. I think I do crazy stuff like trying to teach a seed to grow all the time. So, no need to teach a seed to grow. They just do if you give them what they need. And sometimes even if you don't.

So Sarah McLachlan always seems to have a way of singing what I want to say. So here's one of my favorite songs by her. To new beginnings and new life and miracles and love and laughter and hydrangeas growing again and everyone I love being healthy and happy!!  :)!!

Abraham

"1 And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt (in Hebrew, test or prove) Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.

2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

3 ¶And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.

4 Then on the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes, and saw the place afar off.

5 And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.

6 And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it upon Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife; and they went both of them together.

7 And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?

8 And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together.

9 And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.

10 And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.

11 And the angel of the Lord called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.

12 And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.

13 And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son.

14 And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the Lord it shall be seen.

15 ¶And the angel of the Lord called unto Abraham out of heaven the second time,

16 And said, By myself have I sworn, saith the Lord, for because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son:

17 That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;

18 And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice."

Genesis Chapter 22

I have to give up everything I want that the Lord says I can't have right now. I have to bow to His will in everything, if I want everything, which I do. But He requires me to give all things to Him so that He can give me all things. I can't just take them when I want. I have to place myself and my life in His hands and be willing to give up anything He asks me to.  He says He will give me everything I need in return and all things with everyone I love in the next life.  I've been very selfish and ungrateful and I've wanted everything right now. He's given me so much and I have just wanted to steal more. So now I'm putting everything and everyone, including all of my hopes and dreams, into His hands and He will give me more than I ever imagined in His own way and in His own time. So now I will enjoy and love all He has given me and reach for the right things.

Myself and I

I need a friend I said. There's no one to talk to. No one understands. It's impossible to explain. Impossible to be understood. I've tried. Who can be my friend?

I'll be your friend, I said. It's been a long, hard road. You & I are the only ones who know how it feels. We should be friends. When did we stop being friends? When life taught us not to believe in ourselves? Probably.

We should be friends. There's no better company on this road we're on. This isn't going to be easy. We have to stick together to make it through this. There's no other way. We have to be friends. Be my friend please. I need you. Say my name when I forget what it sounds like. Tell me it will be all right when no one else will. Tell me you love me & really mean it, because you love me no matter what I've done or how I look or how I feel today. We can have a love that doesn't end That never changes, only grows stronger with time. If only we remember that we love each other.

Now Jonafan wants to blog. We'll be a family of crazy bloggers! LOL!

He has a blog!! robertjensenblogs.blogspot.com YAY!!

Helping Robert with his blog. I helped him with the photo. Now waiting while he types. Not a fast typer. :) But hopefully in a minute he'll have his first post. :)

I may be crazy but I'm not CRAZY! Just clarifying. Sometimes it's funny to be thought of as crazy and sometimes it ain't. But I'm only 50 percent crazy, I swear! ;) I'm not always right about stuff. But I'm not mostly wrong either. But sometimes there's no getting around being thought of as off your rocker. But what the heck, I've been disbelieved & thought of as crazy plenty as Robert's mom. It just gets under my skin after a while. But I stand by what I do know. There are things I'm not completely sure about. But if I find out I'm wrong about anything, I will let whoever I told know that I was wrong. I always do.

Just occurred to me that I should video Robert playing the piano. One of his hobbies. I swear I'm going to start his blog soon. :) Tomorrow we're going to the bowling alley though, so it might not be tomorrow. Soon though!

Time to go run. Okay, jog slowly. ;)

The movie was great. Made me a little sad at the end, but probably not the kids. Went and got ice cream at the Fuzziwig Candy Factory and ate it by the fountain. The kids had a great time. It's a gorgeous spring day! And I miss my friend. Should call Becca and see how she's doing too.

I feel like dancing!! ;) Now I should quit blabbing & go practice! Woohoo! ;)

Practicing music is the one time my perfectionism is a really good thing. ;) This is gonna be fun!! I took organ lessons for 5 months cause I couldn't stand that I didn't know how to play the organ too. Seemed like just a missing piece of my music education. But the cello... the cello is cause I'm dying to play it. It's for the love of music & love of the instrument. Well really, it's for fun! Cause it makes me truly happy! :)

Time to practice to the cello for real for the first time!! Yip yip!! LOL!! Very excited!!

Going to see The Secret World of Arrietty with the boys today. Woohoo! I LOVE the Borrowers! Used to read the books.

Was waiting at the church in the room for the toddlers cause no one was in there. A little 4 yr old guy with red curly hair came waltzing in to play. First he threw a toy on top of a tall cabinet. Then he took the blanket off the floor & hauled it to another room, knocking over a trash can. Then he didn't go with his mom when she told him to.  And she left him here. He climbed on the table and pulled something down off the wall, and threw it on the floor & drew on the chalkboard with a pencil. Told me that when he grows up,he's gonna say "s" words. And then of course, climbed on & jumped off the table multiple times.  Little handful!  Had to take the pencil & told him to be careful jumping off the table that's nearly as tall as he is. Where is this kid's mother? Did she leave him here for me to watch? Good grief!  Now he's jumping from the top of a stack of chairs onto a table. There's normal active boy & then there's being naughty. ;) He tried to pull the chalkboard off the wall, but that didn't work. LOL!  Had to hide the bag of candy someone left here that he was trying to open.  He just tried to tackle a 5 yr old girl. Thought I might have to help her. Nope! She took him down! Good for her. ;)

The Hydrangea I bought a hydrangea. It was in full bloom.  It had beautiful, huge pink and white flowers.  I watered it & set it by the window. Then thinking I was helping it, I put it outside.  But it froze that night and all the flowers fell off.  If only I hadn't let it freeze!! I brought it back in to keep it warm. But the leaves fell off.  The branches looked empty & sad. Then tiny green buds appeared. But they died.  Maybe I didn't water enough.  I worried it would die. But then new green buds appeared and started to open.  And now it has tiny leaves.  It doesn't look as good as it did before, but the leaves will grow.  And surely flowers will bloom. And someday it will be beautiful again.

One very busy, long day! Literally just got to finally relax. Have been going since 7:30 this morning. But it's been a very good day. A couple things I wrote while I was stuck waiting at church for 2 hrs. :)

Just had the crazy thought that I could write songs for her. And I really don't give a care how crazy that sounds. Cause it's not crazy. I really could. I'm just a beginner. But for some reason I just feel like I could write songs with her voice in my mind. Anything that inspires me right? Gonna try it this week. Maybe tomorrow. So two fun new ideas for this week. Blog for Robert & try writing a song again. And stuff with the kids since they'll be out of school. :)

Listening to Audra McDonald. Loving just about everything I'm hearing. My new favorite person to listen to. She's amazing! Had heard her sing before & was very impressed & remembered her. But never tried listening to any of her albums. She came up on Pandora with a gorgeous version of I Think It's Going To Rain Today by Randy Newman. Still trying to remember how I know that song. Anyway, she's amazing!! :) Will definitely keep listening to her.

Just wish I could put everything right again. Really trying. Can only do so much though. Have to trust the Lord to clean up the rest of my mess. Have to put things in His hands. Have to ask Him to take care of those I love & help them in ways I can't. Some things I still am not sure about, truthfully. I still have questions, honestly. Figure it'll all be clear at some point.

One heck of a busy day today. Not in a bad way. Just very busy. And I'm sleepy!

"The glory of God is intelligence, or in other words, light and truth." Doctrine & Covenants 93:36

Dangitall!! I'm hopeless! ;)

Told Robert we could start his blog if he finishes two classes. Hopefully soon! :)

ELEW!! Was checking to see if his new album was on iTunes yet. Love ELEW!! What I wouldn't give to be back at a concert right this second. The best memories!! Absolutely plan on more in the future with Becca! She says she'll be my chaperone & keep me outta trouble. I dunno bout that!! LOL!! The best times!! :)

I like myself but I don't think I love myself. I don't mean in a conceited way. I mean in a I love my family very, very much and only give myself a little of that love. Think I need to work on loving myself.

Fell asleep instead of getting ready for bed. Not a good way to sleep, I must say. Have woken up multiple times. Oh well! Gonna get up & finish the laundry & take out these icky contacts so i can sleep properly. Yes, doing laundry at 4:30 am is perfectly normal. ;)

So Robert wants to blog now. I think it's a spectacular idea! He'd be great at it. So I'm very excited to get him started tomorrow. And I get to start cello lessons. Woohoo!! :)

Ooh I wanna play too!! Hate being left out of all the fun!! Pouting! ;)

Whad am I sposed to be learning here?? Patience. Definitely patience. Don't have enough of that. Faith in the Lord and in other people. More self control. Yep, need more of that. I need to be wiser about the things I say & do. I need a long term goal. What should it be?

Okay, I think it should be to make the next four months til my birthday as good as possible for myself and my family. Kind of the mentality I have during the summer. Wishing the same for everyone I love. I'm going to keep writing. And I'm gonna learn to play the cello. And I'm gonna become a runner. Who knows, maybe I'll even run outside! LOL! We'll see. ;) And I will thoroughly enjoy spending time with my husband & kids. And when my birthday comes, I'll make new goals and see how far I've gotten. It'll be interesting to see what I'm writing about in June. Figure it'll probably morph some. And since I can barely do anything on the cello, any improvement will be great. But I'm hoping to actually be able to play some songs decently. Right now I can jog for 40 min with 4 one minute breaks. But it's barely jogging. Or as Becca puts it, speed walking. It's slightly faster than that, but just barely. So you think I can jog a little faster for an hour by June? I think that's possible! Okay, so those are my goals. With the Lord's help that's what I'll be doing for the next 4 months. :)

It has been a freaking good day today, I gotta say! :) Even when the battery died when I was waiting to pick Brian up from school. It's only about a mile from our house & Cameron said he'd come jump it on the way home from work. So me and Brian were enjoying our walk home. A neighbor saw us & gave us a ride the rest of the way. We were having such a good walk that I didn't really want a ride. But finally got to talk to my neighbor. And now my battery's charging for tomorrow. Tried watching Walking Dead with Cameron. Too gross! ;) But we both love Modern Family. :) I was voting Sherlock. ;)

Try to Remember from The Fantasticks. Jerry Orbach. Love this song! Going to listen to more of this musical today.

Gorgeous song I hadn't thought about in a long time, sung by William Warfield. From the musical Showboat. One amazing, gorgeous voice! A recording would have better sound than this.

Hope everyone had a good day. Might actually get to sleep by midnight. What will that be like?? Slept horribly last night. Must make up for it tonight. Sleep well everyone!!

Finally listening to Memoirs of a Geisha even though I said I was going to days ago. :) incredibly gorgeous soundtrack! Need to see the movie again. Haven't seen it in years. Also amazing! Cameron & the older boys are at a church activity tonight. Can you say bad scheduling? So Squirt (Tyler) & Cutie (Brian) are my valentines tonight. They're great company. :) And I'm listening to music, of course. :)

Love hearing him play. Now I'm trying to watch how he does it.  This is so cool! John Williams and Yo Yo Ma playing together. :)

So wish I'd bought a cello book to learn from while waiting for my lessons to start.  Hmm... I'm gonna look up a cello lesson on the internet. Maybe I can learn a little tonight. :)

Why I want to learn cello. :) Haven't watched it for months. Just what I needed tonight. Love it! Thank you Emeli Sande and Coldplay and the girl playing the cello. ;) I wanna do that! :)

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/video/showbiz/biz-sessions/3757669/Every-Teardrop-Is-A-Waterfall.html

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!! Hope everyone is having a good day. :) Lots of love to my family & loved ones. :) And hugs for anyone who actually reads what I write. :) XO

Hopefully this isn't too annoying. But just have to say that my boys are some of the best little guys on the planet. :) I can't take much credit for that. Kids are like bushes or trees. You try to plant them where they'll grow best & water them and prune them every long once in a while & the rest is up to them. I really feel like my kids were already amazing little people when they were born. I just try to give them what they need, help them avoid getting into trouble, and they show me who they are. I am far from a perfect parent. They're just the best little guys. :) Little guys includes Robert who's still little even though he's huge. ;) He's higher maintenance. But mainly it's just a matter of me learning to be patient & tolerant enough of him & his quirks. Oh, and having the right doctors & teachers. ;)

Ever get to a point where you feel like you just can't handle your life, just can't do it. Like being faced with a mountain you just don't have what it takes to climb? I'm not saying I'm suicidal or anything. I don't have any inclinations towards that, thank goodness. I do however hit brick walls when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I tend to be a forward looking kind of person. The problem comes when I can't see how things will get better. That's when I struggle the most. I'm trying to learn to focus on dealing with right now better and not having to have the future worked out. But when I feel life closing in on me & start to panic, often the only way through that feeling is to pray constantly for help to get through the hour or day. It's the "help me! I can't do this without your help" prayer over & over again in my mind. It works. I am helped through my struggles. It's the only thing that got me through the depression I was in last spring. And answers came. I was having diabetic symptoms & also didn't know what I should be now that I finally had all the kids in school. Heavenly Father helped me to finally start exercising regularly. He helped me to finally understand what would work for me. And from twitter & my friends on twitter (some really great things did actually come into my life from twitter :)), I learned that I love to write, a lot. And the idea to learn cello also came from twitter. And some amazing friends I will always love no matter where life takes me. :)!! Things will all work out. I had a great morning, a low afternoon, but things have improved again this evening. Everything will work out the way it should. And there really is a way over this mountain, with the Lord's help. So here's to reaching the top! :)

"All flesh is in mine hands; Be still and know that I am God." Doctrine & Covenants 101:16

How come sometimes when I post it leaves the spacing between paragraphs & sometimes it mushes it all into one big long paragraph??? Mystery that must be sol-ved. Will google it. ;)

Definitely a fan of The Civil Wars now. Tried them about a year ago. Couldn't get into them. Must not have been in the right mood. Now must figure out which Pandora station to delete to make room for them. LOL! ;)

Ha!! I feel the same way! You'll never see me spit unless I'm forced to though. Gross! LOL! ;)  


Warning    


When I am an old woman I shall wear purple With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter. I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells And run my stick along the public railings And make up for the sobriety of my youth. I shall go out in my slippers in the rain And pick flowers in other people's gardens And learn to spit. You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat And eat three pounds of sausages at a go Or only bread and pickle for a week And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes. But now we must have clothes that keep us dry And pay our rent and not swear in the street And set a good example for the children. We must have friends to dinner and read the papers. But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph

Robert memorized this poem for Mrs. Wallace & recited it for me on Friday. Really liked it. So here it is. :)  

The Arrow and the Song    

I shot an arrow into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where; For, so swiftly it flew, the sight Could not follow it in its flight. I breathed a song into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where; For who has sight so keen and strong, That it can follow the flight of song? Long, long afterward, in an oak I found the arrow, still unbroke; And the song, from beginning to end, I found again in the heart of a friend.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

We all have more help than we realize. Prayer from Hansel & Gretel. Goodnight everyone! XO :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=homgiCRIeRY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

It's been an extremely good day today. I'm a very lucky girl! Spoiled rotten, really. Heavenly Father has been very, very kind to me. And I have the best family & friends. Hopefully I can learn to be wiser and better. Love to all of my family, friends, & loved ones. Thanks for putting up with me & loving me. Have a wonderful night everyone! :)

Jennifer Hudson knocked it out of the park! Huge shoes to fill. Fabulous job! All on short notice.