Thursday, March 22, 2012

So lately the idea of being alone has been eating me up. I've been feeling ill & panicky every time I think about spending weekends by myself while the kids are with Cameron. I hadn't been able to cope with the idea. Thought I might just have to follow the kids to Cameron's house & stay there too. But today I realized that I have to start thinking about the positives and learn to enjoy the freedom of being alone or I'll drive myself crazy. It's literally going to be the most I've ever been alone in my life. Growing up with 9 siblings you're rarely alone even when you want to be. I can only think of one time I was home alone. I was in 4th grade & had the chicken pox & everyone else was at church. I remember it vividly because it felt so strange to be by myself. In college I always had roommates and in the summer I lived with my parents or grandparents. Then of course I got married & had Robert 9 months later. And Cameron's never traveled much. So yeah, this will be new for me. But I have 3 weeks to start thinking about it as a good thing. I'll get to do what I want, when I want. I can be how I want to be. I don't have to impress anyone or compromise with anyone. I can spend time with whoever I'd like. I can go places I've been wanting to go. There will be no one to interrupt whatever I'm working on. I can get up as late as I want & stay up as late as I want. And I can play all day if I feel like it. Going to start thinking this way more instead of carrying around a knot in my stomach. So here's to the good things about being alone. :)

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