Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Nother crazy factoid, at least to me. Mr. Roberto is nearly 6'1" now. He's gotta stop growing someday, right? ;)
Jiminy Cricket! 101 page views yesterday! Realize that there are only a few people actually reading and some aren't from people, but still!
I have the most amazing friends and family on the planet! I'm so blessed, it's unreal! They put up with me and still love me and are such amazing people. So very blessed! :)

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Getting a kick out of listening to Florence & the Machine again tonight. Can't listen to her if I'm struggling to keep my mood up cause it's moody music. ;) But tonight it's great fun to listen to. :)
Should just go play the cello. Will help get me out of this weird mood I'm in. :)
Because it makes me happy. Love Audrey Hepburn. Really admire her. And love this song. :)
Come What May, and Love It

Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Joseph B. Wirthlin
When I was young I loved playing sports, and I have many fond memories of those days. But not all of them are pleasant. I remember one day after my football team lost a tough game, I came home feeling discouraged. My mother was there. She listened to my sad story. She taught her children to trust in themselves and each other, not blame others for their misfortunes, and give their best effort in everything they attempted.
When we fell down, she expected us to pick ourselves up and get going again. So the advice my mother gave to me then wasn’t altogether unexpected. It has stayed with me all my life.
“Joseph,” she said, “come what may, and love it.”
I have often reflected on that counsel.
I think she may have meant that every life has peaks and shadows and times when it seems that the birds don’t sing and bells don’t ring. Yet in spite of discouragement and adversity, those who are happiest seem to have a way of learning from difficult times, becoming stronger, wiser, and happier as a result.
There may be some who think that General Authorities rarely experience pain, suffering, or distress. If only that were true. While every man and woman on this stand today has experienced an abundant measure of joy, each also has drunk deeply from the cup of disappointment, sorrow, and loss. The Lord in His wisdom does not shield anyone from grief or sadness.
For me, the Lord has opened the windows of heaven and showered blessings upon my family beyond my ability to express. Yet like everyone else, I have had times in my life when it seemed that the heaviness of my heart might be greater than I could bear. During those times I think back to those tender days of my youth when great sorrows came at the losing end of a football game.
How little I knew then of what awaited me in later years. But whenever my steps led through seasons of sadness and sorrow, my mother’s words often came back to me: “Come what may, and love it.”
How can we love days that are filled with sorrow? We can’t—at least not in the moment. I don’t think my mother was suggesting that we suppress discouragement or deny the reality of pain. I don’t think she was suggesting that we smother unpleasant truths beneath a cloak of pretended happiness. But I do believe that the way we react to adversity can be a major factor in how happy and successful we can be in life.
If we approach adversities wisely, our hardest times can be times of greatest growth, which in turn can lead toward times of greatest happiness.
Over the years I have learned a few things that have helped me through times of testing and trial. I would like to share them with you.

Learn to Laugh

The first thing we can do is learn to laugh. Have you ever seen an angry driver who, when someone else makes a mistake, reacts as though that person has insulted his honor, his family, his dog, and his ancestors all the way back to Adam? Or have you had an encounter with an overhanging cupboard door left open at the wrong place and the wrong time which has been cursed, condemned, and avenged by a sore-headed victim?
There is an antidote for times such as these: learn to laugh.
I remember loading up our children in a station wagon and driving to Los Angeles. There were at least nine of us in the car, and we would invariably get lost. Instead of getting angry, we laughed. Every time we made a wrong turn, we laughed harder.
Getting lost was not an unusual occurrence for us. Once while heading south to Cedar City, Utah, we took a wrong turn and didn’t realize it until two hours later when we saw the “Welcome to Nevada” signs. We didn’t get angry. We laughed, and as a result, anger and resentment rarely resulted. Our laughter created cherished memories for us.
I remember when one of our daughters went on a blind date. She was all dressed up and waiting for her date to arrive when the doorbell rang. In walked a man who seemed a little old, but she tried to be polite. She introduced him to me and my wife and the other children; then she put on her coat and went out the door. We watched as she got into the car, but the car didn’t move. Eventually our daughter got out of the car and, red faced, ran back into the house. The man that she thought was her blind date had actually come to pick up another of our daughters who had agreed to be a babysitter for him and his wife.
We all had a good laugh over that. In fact, we couldn’t stop laughing. Later, when our daughter’s real blind date showed up, I couldn’t come out to meet him because I was still in the kitchen laughing. Now, I realize that our daughter could have felt humiliated and embarrassed. But she laughed with us, and as a result, we still laugh about it today.
The next time you’re tempted to groan, you might try to laugh instead. It will extend your life and make the lives of all those around you more enjoyable.

Seek for the Eternal

The second thing we can do is seek for the eternal. You may feel singled out when adversity enters your life. You shake your head and wonder, “Why me?”
But the dial on the wheel of sorrow eventually points to each of us. At one time or another, everyone must experience sorrow. No one is exempt.
I love the scriptures because they show examples of great and noble men and women such as Abraham, Sarah, Enoch, Moses, Joseph, Emma, and Brigham. Each of them experienced adversity and sorrow that tried, fortified, and refined their characters.
Learning to endure times of disappointment, suffering, and sorrow is part of our on-the-job training. These experiences, while often difficult to bear at the time, are precisely the kinds of experiences that stretch our understanding, build our character, and increase our compassion for others.
Because Jesus Christ suffered greatly, He understands our suffering. He understands our grief. We experience hard things so that we too may have increased compassion and understanding for others.
Remember the sublime words of the Savior to the Prophet Joseph Smith when he suffered with his companions in the smothering darkness of Liberty Jail:
“My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
“And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.”1
With that eternal perspective, Joseph took comfort from these words, and so can we. Sometimes the very moments that seem to overcome us with suffering are those that will ultimately suffer us to overcome.

The Principle of Compensation

The third thing we can do is understand the principle of compensation. The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.
One of the blessings of the gospel is the knowledge that when the curtain of death signals the end of our mortal lives, life will continue on the other side of the veil. There we will be given new opportunities. Not even death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving Heavenly Father.
Because Heavenly Father is merciful, a principle of compensation prevails. I have seen this in my own life. My grandson Joseph has autism. It has been heartbreaking for his mother and father to come to grips with the implications of this affliction.
They knew that Joseph would probably never be like other children. They understood what that would mean not only for Joseph but for the family as well. But what a joy he has been to us. Autistic children often have a difficult time showing emotion, but every time I’m with him, Joseph gives me a big hug. While there have been challenges, he has filled our lives with joy.
His parents have encouraged him to participate in sports. When he first started playing baseball, he was in the outfield. But I don’t think he grasped the need to run after loose balls. He thought of a much more efficient way to play the game. When a ball was hit in his direction, Joseph watched it go by and then pulled another baseball out of his pocket and threw that one to the pitcher.
Any reservations that his family may have had in raising Joseph, any sacrifices they have made have been compensated tenfold. Because of this choice spirit, his mother and father have learned much about children with disabilities. They have witnessed firsthand the generosity and compassion of family, neighbors, and friends. They have rejoiced together as Joseph has progressed. They have marveled at his goodness.

Trust in the Father and the Son

The fourth thing we can do is put our trust in our Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.
“God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son.”2 The Lord Jesus Christ is our partner, helper, and advocate. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to be successful. If we do our part, He will step in.
He who descended below all things will come to our aid. He will comfort and uphold us. He will strengthen us in our weakness and fortify us in our distress. He will make weak things become strong.3
One of our daughters, after giving birth to a baby, became seriously ill. We prayed for her, administered to her, and supported her as best we could. We hoped she would receive a blessing of healing, but days turned into months, and months turned into years. At one point I told her that this affliction might be something she would have to struggle with the rest of her life.
One morning I remember pulling out a small card and threading it through my typewriter. Among the words that I typed for her were these: “The simple secret is this: put your trust in the Lord, do your best, then leave the rest to Him.”
She did put her trust in God. But her affliction did not disappear. For years she suffered, but in due course, the Lord blessed her, and eventually she returned to health.
Knowing this daughter, I believe that even if she had never found relief, yet she would have trusted in her Heavenly Father and “[left] the rest to Him.”


Although my mother has long since passed to her eternal reward, her words are always with me. I still remember her advice to me given on that day long ago when my team lost a football game: “Come what may, and love it.”
I know why there must be opposition in all things. Adversity, if handled correctly, can be a blessing in our lives. We can learn to love it.
As we look for humor, seek for the eternal perspective, understand the principle of compensation, and draw near to our Heavenly Father, we can endure hardship and trial. We can say, as did my mother, “Come what may, and love it.” Of this I testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
This because I feel restless and a little frazzled this morning and this is helping me. :)

Monday, February 27, 2012

And now to practice the cello. Ooh hoo hoo!! ;) So dang much fun, it should be illegal!! LOL! ;)
Two things that make me very, very happy at the moment.  A drawing that Jonathan just finished that I love. He didn't want to put it on his blog. So I get to. :) And the back of the daffodil that I think is so pretty that I forgot to post the other day. :)
Hope everyone has a fantastically awesome Killers kinda day!! :)

Can't do just one! Sam's Town!! I hope the same thing! Hope everyone I love has a Sam's Town. :)

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Thank you Pandora!! Needed that! :)
Gotta go to bed like a good girl. Don't want to! But winter break is over & back to school tomorrow. Poopie!! LOL! ;) But I'll get more done, right? But it was fun doin' stuff with the kids.
You better not be retirin' any time soon Meryl Streep!
Some great looking short documentaries & animation! Curious about the Pakistan film now. Looks good! Bunch of stuff to find out about.
Yay Christopher Plummer!!
Have to see the Cirque de Soleil part again. So much to see! Good job Chris Rock!!
"Let's get out of here!" & "I'd like to thank everyone who's ever been born!" are some of the best lines tonight. The regular folks are sometimes more interesting than the stars.
Loved the Iranian guys speech! Interested in seeing his film. So happy for Octavia Spencer!!
Been a very good day! Listening to Sarah McLachlan :)

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Just finished practicing the cello. Soo fun!! So exciting!! Coming along pretty quickly. Goal--to play like a senior in high school by the end of the year. :) Something to look forward to!! Makes me so happy! Starting to get past the really awkward beginning stage. Oh yeah! ;) Goodnight!! :)
Thank goodness for music. Was feeling absolutely emotionally dead. It's been a rough 24 hrs for me. Just feeling sad. Couldn't find any will to finish the day. A few good songs, especially an ABBA song, and I feel okay again. Hoping for a better week this week. Tomorrow's bound to be better than today. Right? Right! :)
Not my best day ever, that's fer dang sure! ;) But doing better now. I will survive!! I will! :)
I have a really strong, passionate personality. It's really hard to know what to do with myself sometimes, honestly. Very few people understand what it's like.
Still feel awful! This is so not my day! So not fair!! So not fair!! So not fair!!
I'm not crazy. But today everything hurts & hurts & I feel like crying & crying & crying. Sat outside for a while & that helped. The daffodil has bloomed & my hydrangea is looking better. Don't know why I don't like the front of daffodils much, but I don't. Like the back a lot more. So took a picture of the back that I'll post later. :) They are a gorgeous yellow. Had to get up early. Going to take a nap now cause it usually helps a ton. Hopefully wake up feeling happier & stronger. :)

Friday, February 24, 2012

My brain's too tired to think much anymore today. Thinking I'm crazy kinda thoughts. Will sort that out tomorrow. Good night everyone! Lots of love!! :)
Had a great cello lesson. Still learning how to hold everything properly. :) Mustn't grip the bow. Hafta let it just rest in your fingers. But it keeps wanting to fall out of my fingers! ;) Must hold my elbow up, but not too high. And the distance between whole notes is like an inch on the neck and feels super awkward. Turns out you use different finger muscles to stretch to reach keys on the piano. But at least I can read the music. Just haven't memorized where the notes are on the strings. Does it sound like I'm complaining? I'm not, I promise. :) It all fascinates me and I get super excited when I can play something, which I can now, just a little. :)
Really wish I could make everyone happy all at once. But all I can do is my best to do the right thing & hope & hope & hope & pray & pray & pray that everyone will be very happy soon.
Yesterday was successfully survived. Honestly wasn't sure I'd be able to successfully get through 24 hrs. I think it'll be okay now. The real test will come 3 days from now. I will survive! It'll be okay.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

It'll be interesting to see what life brings. It always has a few surprises up it's sleeve. Never would have guessed we'd live in GA again after we moved away. But it makes perfect sense now. Never would have guessed that Mrs. Wallace would be homeschooling Robert now. But it's absolutely exactly what he needed. Just saying that it'll be interesting to see what happens in the next year or two. :)
Time to go jog slowly in the basement. The allergy headache is gone & I'm wide awake. So, might as well. :)
I do love Miss Becca! She's the bestest! Lucky to have her for a friend. :)
I won't lose this fight, I won't! I won't give up til I've won. There's only one way out, and it's up. Up's not as easy as down.  Up is harder to achieve. But the Lord will help me & show me the way, And we'll all go up from here. 
And now I'll cry a little and then go take Robert to the psychiatrist. It's a gorgeous day today. A picture from the dog park earlier today. :)
Up and over this mountain called the next few months. Up, gotta go up! The beginning is the hardest part. It should get easier & easier & clearer as I go. Wish me luck! :)
Everything will be the way it should be. Great things will happen. Everyone will be completely happy in the end. I know this but I need to trust enough not to worry. No worries, no worries! Heavenly Father knows what He's doing. And He wants us all to be happy. I have to trust, I have to trust.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Feeling calmer now. Miss Tina sent me a postcard from South Korea. What a sweet friend!! Must think of something Georgian to send her. Boiled peanuts? Nah! I don't even like them & they look like poop. And they're wet! LOL! What to send her, what to send her? Yes, I'm repeating myself a lot today. What can I say! ;)
Praying & praying & praying that everything will be all right.
There's a bright future ahead. Everything will be all right, I promise!
Everything will be all right! Everything will be all right, I promise! Somehow everything will be all right!
About to clean the boys' bathroom. Yikes! Need a hazmat suit for this job! LOL!! Verwy scarwey! Today we'll call it "The Pit of Despair". Wasn't that what it was called on The Princess Bride??'s not that bad! ;) It's just dang yucky! I dare anyone with 4 young boys to tell me their bathroom stays clean for very long. Anyone...?? (Silence) See! Proof!! LOL!! (And for the record, I'm not entirely insane. My blog is read by a handful of people. They come for the crazy, I know it! ;))
Was remembering how excited I'd get when I heard this song on the radio when I was in elementary school. It wasn't just because I liked the way it sounded. It was because it said exactly what I felt and still does. I still say that this is the best version that exists. There are lots of covers. Nicer voices have sung it. But I still say Jim Henson sang it best.
Forgot the ladybug on the strawberry plant. :)
Brian's humming along with Ordinary Miracle. Didn't know he knew it. Makes me happy! :)

No Need to Teach a Seed to Grow

Thank you to Sarah Mclachlan and her crazy beautiful voice!! Big fan of hers.  Ordinary Miracle is on her "Rarities, B-sides and Other Stuff" album which I love. Lots of gorgeous songs on it. 

Just dawned on my that the line is "no need to teach a seed to grow" in Ordinary Miracle. All this time I was hearing it wrong. How appropriate! For some reason that line makes me really happy today. I think I do crazy stuff like trying to teach a seed to grow all the time. So, no need to teach a seed to grow. They just do if you give them what they need. And sometimes even if you don't.

So Sarah McLachlan always seems to have a way of singing what I want to say. So here's one of my favorite songs by her. To new beginnings and new life and miracles and love and laughter and hydrangeas growing again and everyone I love being healthy and happy!!  :)!!


"1 And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt (in Hebrew, test or prove) Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.
2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
3 ¶And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.
4 Then on the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes, and saw the place afar off.
5 And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you.
6 And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it upon Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife; and they went both of them together.
7 And Isaac spake unto Abraham his father, and said, My father: and he said, Here am I, my son. And he said, Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?
8 And Abraham said, My son, God will provide himself a lamb for a burnt offering: so they went both of them together.
9 And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.
10 And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.
11 And the angel of the Lord called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.
12 And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.
13 And Abraham lifted up his eyes, and looked, and behold behind him a ram caught in a thicket by his horns: and Abraham went and took the ram, and offered him up for a burnt offering in the stead of his son.
14 And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh: as it is said to this day, In the mount of the Lord it shall be seen.
15 ¶And the angel of the Lord called unto Abraham out of heaven the second time,
16 And said, By myself have I sworn, saith the Lord, for because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son:
17 That in blessing I will bless thee, and in multiplying I will multiply thy seed as the stars of the heaven, and as the sand which is upon the sea shore; and thy seed shall possess the gate of his enemies;
18 And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice."

Genesis Chapter 22

I have to give up everything I want that the Lord says I can't have right now. I have to bow to His will in everything, if I want everything, which I do. But He requires me to give all things to Him so that He can give me all things. I can't just take them when I want. I have to place myself and my life in His hands and be willing to give up anything He asks me to.  He says He will give me everything I need in return and all things with everyone I love in the next life.  I've been very selfish and ungrateful and I've wanted everything right now. He's given me so much and I have just wanted to steal more. So now I'm putting everything and everyone, including all of my hopes and dreams, into His hands and He will give me more than I ever imagined in His own way and in His own time. So now I will enjoy and love all He has given me and reach for the right things.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Myself and I

I need a friend I said. There's no one to talk to. No one understands. It's impossible to explain. Impossible to be understood. I've tried. Who can be my friend?

I'll be your friend, I said. It's been a long, hard road. You & I are the only ones who know how it feels. We should be friends. When did we stop being friends? When life taught us not to believe in ourselves? Probably.

We should be friends. There's no better company on this road we're on. This isn't going to be easy. We have to stick together to make it through this. There's no other way. We have to be friends. Be my friend please. I need you. Say my name when I forget what it sounds like. Tell me it will be all right when no one else will. Tell me you love me & really mean it, because you love me no matter what I've done or how I look or how I feel today. We can have a love that doesn't end That never changes, only grows stronger with time. If only we remember that we love each other.
Now Jonafan wants to blog. We'll be a family of crazy bloggers! LOL!
He has a blog!! YAY!!
Helping Robert with his blog. I helped him with the photo. Now waiting while he types. Not a fast typer. :) But hopefully in a minute he'll have his first post. :)

Monday, February 20, 2012

I may be crazy but I'm not CRAZY! Just clarifying. Sometimes it's funny to be thought of as crazy and sometimes it ain't. But I'm only 50 percent crazy, I swear! ;) I'm not always right about stuff. But I'm not mostly wrong either. But sometimes there's no getting around being thought of as off your rocker. But what the heck, I've been disbelieved & thought of as crazy plenty as Robert's mom. It just gets under my skin after a while. But I stand by what I do know. There are things I'm not completely sure about. But if I find out I'm wrong about anything, I will let whoever I told know that I was wrong. I always do.
Just occurred to me that I should video Robert playing the piano. One of his hobbies. I swear I'm going to start his blog soon. :) Tomorrow we're going to the bowling alley though, so it might not be tomorrow. Soon though!
Time to go run. Okay, jog slowly. ;)
The movie was great. Made me a little sad at the end, but probably not the kids. Went and got ice cream at the Fuzziwig Candy Factory and ate it by the fountain. The kids had a great time. It's a gorgeous spring day! And I miss my friend. Should call Becca and see how she's doing too.
I feel like dancing!! ;) Now I should quit blabbing & go practice! Woohoo! ;)
Practicing music is the one time my perfectionism is a really good thing. ;) This is gonna be fun!! I took organ lessons for 5 months cause I couldn't stand that I didn't know how to play the organ too. Seemed like just a missing piece of my music education. But the cello... the cello is cause I'm dying to play it. It's for the love of music & love of the instrument. Well really, it's for fun! Cause it makes me truly happy! :)
Time to practice to the cello for real for the first time!! Yip yip!! LOL!! Very excited!!
Going to see The Secret World of Arrietty with the boys today. Woohoo! I LOVE the Borrowers! Used to read the books.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Was waiting at the church in the room for the toddlers cause no one was in there. A little 4 yr old guy with red curly hair came waltzing in to play. First he threw a toy on top of a tall cabinet. Then he took the blanket off the floor & hauled it to another room, knocking over a trash can. Then he didn't go with his mom when she told him to.  And she left him here. He climbed on the table and pulled something down off the wall, and threw it on the floor & drew on the chalkboard with a pencil. Told me that when he grows up,he's gonna say "s" words. And then of course, climbed on & jumped off the table multiple times.  Little handful!  Had to take the pencil & told him to be careful jumping off the table that's nearly as tall as he is. Where is this kid's mother? Did she leave him here for me to watch? Good grief!  Now he's jumping from the top of a stack of chairs onto a table. There's normal active boy & then there's being naughty. ;) He tried to pull the chalkboard off the wall, but that didn't work. LOL!  Had to hide the bag of candy someone left here that he was trying to open.  He just tried to tackle a 5 yr old girl. Thought I might have to help her. Nope! She took him down! Good for her. ;)
The Hydrangea I bought a hydrangea. It was in full bloom.  It had beautiful, huge pink and white flowers.  I watered it & set it by the window. Then thinking I was helping it, I put it outside.  But it froze that night and all the flowers fell off.  If only I hadn't let it freeze!! I brought it back in to keep it warm. But the leaves fell off.  The branches looked empty & sad. Then tiny green buds appeared. But they died.  Maybe I didn't water enough.  I worried it would die. But then new green buds appeared and started to open.  And now it has tiny leaves.  It doesn't look as good as it did before, but the leaves will grow.  And surely flowers will bloom. And someday it will be beautiful again.
One very busy, long day! Literally just got to finally relax. Have been going since 7:30 this morning. But it's been a very good day. A couple things I wrote while I was stuck waiting at church for 2 hrs. :)
Just had the crazy thought that I could write songs for her. And I really don't give a care how crazy that sounds. Cause it's not crazy. I really could. I'm just a beginner. But for some reason I just feel like I could write songs with her voice in my mind. Anything that inspires me right? Gonna try it this week. Maybe tomorrow. So two fun new ideas for this week. Blog for Robert & try writing a song again. And stuff with the kids since they'll be out of school. :)
Listening to Audra McDonald. Loving just about everything I'm hearing. My new favorite person to listen to. She's amazing! Had heard her sing before & was very impressed & remembered her. But never tried listening to any of her albums. She came up on Pandora with a gorgeous version of I Think It's Going To Rain Today by Randy Newman. Still trying to remember how I know that song. Anyway, she's amazing!! :) Will definitely keep listening to her.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Just wish I could put everything right again. Really trying. Can only do so much though. Have to trust the Lord to clean up the rest of my mess. Have to put things in His hands. Have to ask Him to take care of those I love & help them in ways I can't. Some things I still am not sure about, truthfully. I still have questions, honestly. Figure it'll all be clear at some point.
One heck of a busy day today. Not in a bad way. Just very busy. And I'm sleepy!
"The glory of God is intelligence, or in other words, light and truth." Doctrine & Covenants 93:36

Friday, February 17, 2012

Dangitall!! I'm hopeless! ;)
Told Robert we could start his blog if he finishes two classes. Hopefully soon! :)
ELEW!! Was checking to see if his new album was on iTunes yet. Love ELEW!! What I wouldn't give to be back at a concert right this second. The best memories!! Absolutely plan on more in the future with Becca! She says she'll be my chaperone & keep me outta trouble. I dunno bout that!! LOL!! The best times!! :)
I like myself but I don't think I love myself. I don't mean in a conceited way. I mean in a I love my family very, very much and only give myself a little of that love. Think I need to work on loving myself.
Fell asleep instead of getting ready for bed. Not a good way to sleep, I must say. Have woken up multiple times. Oh well! Gonna get up & finish the laundry & take out these icky contacts so i can sleep properly. Yes, doing laundry at 4:30 am is perfectly normal. ;)

Thursday, February 16, 2012

So Robert wants to blog now. I think it's a spectacular idea! He'd be great at it. So I'm very excited to get him started tomorrow. And I get to start cello lessons. Woohoo!! :)
Ooh I wanna play too!! Hate being left out of all the fun!! Pouting! ;)
Whad am I sposed to be learning here?? Patience. Definitely patience. Don't have enough of that. Faith in the Lord and in other people. More self control. Yep, need more of that. I need to be wiser about the things I say & do. I need a long term goal. What should it be?

Okay, I think it should be to make the next four months til my birthday as good as possible for myself and my family. Kind of the mentality I have during the summer. Wishing the same for everyone I love. I'm going to keep writing. And I'm gonna learn to play the cello. And I'm gonna become a runner. Who knows, maybe I'll even run outside! LOL! We'll see. ;) And I will thoroughly enjoy spending time with my husband & kids. And when my birthday comes, I'll make new goals and see how far I've gotten. It'll be interesting to see what I'm writing about in June. Figure it'll probably morph some. And since I can barely do anything on the cello, any improvement will be great. But I'm hoping to actually be able to play some songs decently. Right now I can jog for 40 min with 4 one minute breaks. But it's barely jogging. Or as Becca puts it, speed walking. It's slightly faster than that, but just barely. So you think I can jog a little faster for an hour by June? I think that's possible! Okay, so those are my goals. With the Lord's help that's what I'll be doing for the next 4 months. :)

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

It has been a freaking good day today, I gotta say! :) Even when the battery died when I was waiting to pick Brian up from school. It's only about a mile from our house & Cameron said he'd come jump it on the way home from work. So me and Brian were enjoying our walk home. A neighbor saw us & gave us a ride the rest of the way. We were having such a good walk that I didn't really want a ride. But finally got to talk to my neighbor. And now my battery's charging for tomorrow. Tried watching Walking Dead with Cameron. Too gross! ;) But we both love Modern Family. :) I was voting Sherlock. ;)
Try to Remember from The Fantasticks. Jerry Orbach. Love this song! Going to listen to more of this musical today.
Gorgeous song I hadn't thought about in a long time, sung by William Warfield. From the musical Showboat. One amazing, gorgeous voice! A recording would have better sound than this.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Hope everyone had a good day. Might actually get to sleep by midnight. What will that be like?? Slept horribly last night. Must make up for it tonight. Sleep well everyone!!
Finally listening to Memoirs of a Geisha even though I said I was going to days ago. :) incredibly gorgeous soundtrack! Need to see the movie again. Haven't seen it in years. Also amazing! Cameron & the older boys are at a church activity tonight. Can you say bad scheduling? So Squirt (Tyler) & Cutie (Brian) are my valentines tonight. They're great company. :) And I'm listening to music, of course. :)
Love hearing him play. Now I'm trying to watch how he does it.  This is so cool! John Williams and Yo Yo Ma playing together. :)
So wish I'd bought a cello book to learn from while waiting for my lessons to start.  Hmm... I'm gonna look up a cello lesson on the internet. Maybe I can learn a little tonight. :)
Why I want to learn cello. :) Haven't watched it for months. Just what I needed tonight. Love it! Thank you Emeli Sande and Coldplay and the girl playing the cello. ;) I wanna do that! :)
Happy Valentine's Day everyone!! Hope everyone is having a good day. :) Lots of love to my family & loved ones. :) And hugs for anyone who actually reads what I write. :) XO

Monday, February 13, 2012

Hopefully this isn't too annoying. But just have to say that my boys are some of the best little guys on the planet. :) I can't take much credit for that. Kids are like bushes or trees. You try to plant them where they'll grow best & water them and prune them every long once in a while & the rest is up to them. I really feel like my kids were already amazing little people when they were born. I just try to give them what they need, help them avoid getting into trouble, and they show me who they are. I am far from a perfect parent. They're just the best little guys. :) Little guys includes Robert who's still little even though he's huge. ;) He's higher maintenance. But mainly it's just a matter of me learning to be patient & tolerant enough of him & his quirks. Oh, and having the right doctors & teachers. ;)
Ever get to a point where you feel like you just can't handle your life, just can't do it. Like being faced with a mountain you just don't have what it takes to climb? I'm not saying I'm suicidal or anything. I don't have any inclinations towards that, thank goodness. I do however hit brick walls when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I tend to be a forward looking kind of person. The problem comes when I can't see how things will get better. That's when I struggle the most. I'm trying to learn to focus on dealing with right now better and not having to have the future worked out. But when I feel life closing in on me & start to panic, often the only way through that feeling is to pray constantly for help to get through the hour or day. It's the "help me! I can't do this without your help" prayer over & over again in my mind. It works. I am helped through my struggles. It's the only thing that got me through the depression I was in last spring. And answers came. I was having diabetic symptoms & also didn't know what I should be now that I finally had all the kids in school. Heavenly Father helped me to finally start exercising regularly. He helped me to finally understand what would work for me. And from twitter & my friends on twitter (some really great things did actually come into my life from twitter :)), I learned that I love to write, a lot. And the idea to learn cello also came from twitter. And some amazing friends I will always love no matter where life takes me. :)!! Things will all work out. I had a great morning, a low afternoon, but things have improved again this evening. Everything will work out the way it should. And there really is a way over this mountain, with the Lord's help. So here's to reaching the top! :)
"All flesh is in mine hands; Be still and know that I am God." Doctrine & Covenants 101:16
How come sometimes when I post it leaves the spacing between paragraphs & sometimes it mushes it all into one big long paragraph??? Mystery that must be sol-ved. Will google it. ;)
Definitely a fan of The Civil Wars now. Tried them about a year ago. Couldn't get into them. Must not have been in the right mood. Now must figure out which Pandora station to delete to make room for them. LOL! ;)
Ha!! I feel the same way! You'll never see me spit unless I'm forced to though. Gross! LOL! ;)  


When I am an old woman I shall wear purple With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter. I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells And run my stick along the public railings And make up for the sobriety of my youth. I shall go out in my slippers in the rain And pick flowers in other people's gardens And learn to spit. You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat And eat three pounds of sausages at a go Or only bread and pickle for a week And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes. But now we must have clothes that keep us dry And pay our rent and not swear in the street And set a good example for the children. We must have friends to dinner and read the papers. But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Jenny Joseph
Robert memorized this poem for Mrs. Wallace & recited it for me on Friday. Really liked it. So here it is. :)  

The Arrow and the Song    

I shot an arrow into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where; For, so swiftly it flew, the sight Could not follow it in its flight. I breathed a song into the air, It fell to earth, I knew not where; For who has sight so keen and strong, That it can follow the flight of song? Long, long afterward, in an oak I found the arrow, still unbroke; And the song, from beginning to end, I found again in the heart of a friend.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Sunday, February 12, 2012

We all have more help than we realize. Prayer from Hansel & Gretel. Goodnight everyone! XO :)
It's been an extremely good day today. I'm a very lucky girl! Spoiled rotten, really. Heavenly Father has been very, very kind to me. And I have the best family & friends. Hopefully I can learn to be wiser and better. Love to all of my family, friends, & loved ones. Thanks for putting up with me & loving me. Have a wonderful night everyone! :)
Jennifer Hudson knocked it out of the park! Huge shoes to fill. Fabulous job! All on short notice.
Fabulous job Adele!!
Was really getting into The Civil Wars and they didn't let em finish! Good grief! Have to listen to more Civil Wars. Congratulations Adele!!
I wanted Mumford & Sons to win for The Cave. Pouting! Yes, we're 30 min behind. :)
About to watch the Grammys after we put the kids to bed. Best way to watch is with time stored up on the DVR for boring speeches, commercials, or music you don't like & other boring stuff. ;) Looking forward to Coldplay, Adele, etc. :)
I'm so much better this morning. Even though it's usually true that I do better in the morning and have a rough time before going to sleep. That will probably still be true for a while. But I think I might finally be ready to take that last step back. You know how 2 yr olds act when they're tired but refuse to go to sleep. And they fight it with every ounce of their little selves, crying & throwing a fit? But then when they let go and fall asleep, they sleep so peacefully and wake up so happy. That's what I've been doing these last 3 weeks. Fighting with every ounce of myself not to have to let go. But I have to step back a little more and leave those I love so much in Heavenly Father's hands. I keep praying hard every day that He will hold them tight and carry them though their life. And I have to pray hard for Heavenly Father to hold me just as tightly and carry me through my life too. Cause there's no other way I can make it. The thing is, He's always carrying me and all of His children. I just need more faith to see it and more faith to put myself and all I love and want in His hands. It's the only way I can have everything. The only way I can be with everyone I love and the only way I can have everything I want. There's no other way. My way will just make a mess of things. So I'm putting everyone & everything in His hands and taking one more step back. I won't love anyone any less. In fact I will love them more because I will be doing it the right way. And the Lord fills us with more love, not less.
SO the whole Whitney Houston thing. Been thinking about it some cause it's everywhere today & will probably be all over the Grammys tonight too. I hope her life was going well when she died. But I guess we're bound to find out more eventually. Doesn't look good though. I guess I mostly remember the old days when it seemed like she was doing so well. I remember admiring her & thinking that she was really something special. I guess I just feel that she could have done so much more without the drugs.
Ack! It's been an extremely good day!! Ever get that my life is going in the right direction feeling? Have that today and it feels great! :) Oh, and I love to blog. :) Been two very busy days in a row. But now I'm done & get to take a break. :)

Saturday, February 11, 2012

It is definitely a Killers kinda day today!! Woohoo! ;) Huge fan of Brandon Flowers & The Killers. :)!!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." That's okay. You can take my weaknesses back now. I don't want them. :) At least there's a way out and it really does work. I can vouch for that. Just when you're in the middle of a problem, it can be very frustrating. Mainly cause I always want instant results. The faster, the better! But in fact things are moving well in the right direction. I'm just dang impatient! :)
Paulo Coelho said, “Writing books is a socially acceptable form of getting naked in public”. Maybe I should rename my blog, Angela gets naked in public. LOL!! ;) Not going to. But this is definitely where I spill my guts or lay it all out there. I have been sad a lot the last couple of weeks. However, I never stay down for long. But I still intend to say what I feel even when I'm sad because I need to express myself and writing is one of the ways I've chosen to do that. And I'm just crazy enough to believe that I'm not the only person in the world who's felt the way I do sometimes. Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, some of my struggles will help someone else. If not, writing about how I feel helps me tremendously. So if you don't wanna see me get naked in public, I suggest you look away. LOl! Cause Angela's gonna say what she feels.
Listening to Mandy Patinkin sing. He's dang good! He's great not because his voice is the most amazing. But he sings with more feeling than anyone else. Has a very soothing voice though. Lots of songs I don't know. Love what I'm hearing though. Love Bernadette Peters too. :)
HA!! Eye of the Tiger just came on Pandora. Ha! Perfect timing! Couldn't be more appropriate. ;) Walk Like an Egyptian is playing now. (Yeah, I'm in a reporting what I'm listening to mood today. :)) Brings back memories of middle school PE. My favorite! (Hear the sarcasm?? ;)) But at least it mostly makes me feel like dancing in a goofy way now. ;)
Have been listening to more Sara Bareilles too. And Brandon Flowers today. Always a good sign. ;)
Have noticed that I've been listening to more country this past week, Brad Paisley, Alison Krauss. Interesting. Feels more soothing than alternative. My Texas roots coming out I guess. :) But I've also been listening to more Peter Gabriel, Florence & the Machine & Pink! HA! Diagnosis: My taste hasn't changed any. Just weighted more in country's favor than usual. ;)

Thursday, February 9, 2012

At some point I should video Robert talking about his garden. It's warming up & he'll be able to plant soon. He absorbs facts & information from his books like a sponge and remembers it all extremely well. His practical gardening skills don't match his knowledge yet. But he can be very interesting to listen to.
And now I'm very 'ungry! ;) Must hunt down some food. So, the extremely good news for today. My sister Juliene had her baby, Amanda, today! So happy for her! She's a great mommy. And Miss Becca is finally out on the road driving with her trainer. She passed truck driving school with flying colors, of course. ;) And now in her extra tall boots so she can reach the pedals, she's taking on the world in a semi truck. Look out world!! ;) She's one tough cookie. She's successfully navigating a mostly male profession. I was gonna say her height but I can't remember how many inches over 4 ft she is. I can hear her now, giggling and saying, "You don't remember how tall I am, Paprika! I've told you at least 5 times!!" LOL!! Nope!! Numbers don't have personalities. If they did, I'd remember them! ;) Anyhow! She already knocked down one driver who was stupid enough to pinch her butt. And she slapped another one who got too pervy. ;) I think she'll be all right. In fact, she's loving it. :)
Well it's been one heck of a couple of weeks & I've been blogging like a crazy person. :) I've cried today but right now I feel the calmest I've felt since this all started. Feel like I've made the right decision today. Feel like I can genuinely laugh & smile again because I feel peaceful again. I'm sure I'll still struggle some. But the worst should hopefully be over now. :) But I still intend to write what I feel like writing. I have to be able to write whatever I feel here or it won't be any good for me. If anyone's actually managed to read everything I've written, you deserve a gold medal for perseverance!! ;)

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Life is so weird sometimes. You think you have it all figured out and then it throws you a curve ball. (Is that one word or two?) But if I had it all figured out, then what would be the point of another 63 yrs? I have every intention of digging in my heels & living to be 100. ;) I should just get used to things turning on their head just when I feel like I have it all together. And...I think the dog and Robert both need a trip to the groomer. Both lookin' shaggy. ;)

Robert's First Hobby :)

Just ran across this.  Mrs. Valarie Wallace is Robert's other mom, his school mom.  She worked with him all day at school for 3 yrs from the start.  Then we moved away for 4 years. When we moved back to GA, we tried putting Robert in the middle school.  That only lasted a week and a half.  So then I tried homeschooling him.  We were driving each other crazy.  Mrs. Wallace had had to retire from working at the school to take care of her husband who has MS.  She had volunteered to help tutor Robert.  So she started helping me a few days a week with Robert's school.  Now she has taught him for 2 1/2 years, 4 days a week, 5-6 hrs a day and she still loves it.  I honestly think that we were meant to live in this house so that we would only be two neighborhoods from her.  She's our angel.  We owe half of Robert's education to her.  We couldn't have done it without her.

This is what he wrote in class with her.

        "When I started school, I was different from other students in my kindergarten class.  The school was filled with children and teachers that want kids to be in line.  This was the first time I was away from my mother in an unfamiliar environment.  I was startled to see my mom leave me alone, although it wasn't hard to get used to being at school.  I couldn't speak very well at first, but it took me less than a year for me to learn to speak like a first grader.  I also had a phobia of heights, and I was relieved to see there was no stairs.  I was diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome without knowing that I had it.  Here is the story about the first thing I got interested in.

      While other boys had fun with action figures or video games, I enjoyed learning about stars and planets from books about space.  It started when my teacher, Mrs. Wallace, saw a beautiful poster showing the names and pictures of each planet, from Mercury to Pluto, and read them out loud to me.  Each day, on the way to the library, she would repeat the process until I quickly memorized each planet.  It didn't take me long to get interested in the planets and stars.  After that, I collected lots of books, big and small, about space for many years.

     Over the years, I began to replace my hobby for astronomy with the interest in dogs and gardening, since dogs are adorable and gardening is beautiful and healthy.  Even so, I still like to remember the time I got my first hobby.  Whenever I see Mrs. Wallace she often tells me stories about times when I asked about galaxies and black holes although she did not know anything on those subjects she would take me to the library and look them up.  She often would read from a six grade level to a kindergartener and I would understand almost all of the books about space.  I love to learn!"
What I've been trying to learn better lately.
I love Becca!! She saved my sanity so many times now. She's the best! And she's most definitely never boring! :) Love all my sisters. But lately my sister Juliene, who's always been a great friend even when I'm obnoxious, has been helping me so much. So huge thank yous to my sister & my adopted sister. You're the best!!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Perfect album for my frazzled nerves A Hundred Miles Or More by Alison Krauss. Lots of great songs. A couple I don't know. Think my favorite is The Scarlet Tide. :)
Feel like I'm going to go mad tonight. Incredibly tense. Spent some time on the deck tonight & that really helped. If I don't relax in a minute, I might have to go back out. I know I'm selfish & spoiled & extremely impatient and haven't been wise at all, but sometimes... Okay. Things will get better soon. Things will work out for the best. Not entirely sure what that is at the moment. Trying to focus on just right now. Not very good at that. Always like to feel like I know what's going on. Problem is, things always go differently than I expected. Okay, so one day at a time. Things are bound to get a little better every day. Right? Right! :) Less tense now. Writing helps. Gonna put my cranky self to bed now. :) Goodnight! Oh gawl, I miss twitter right now. But this is forcing me to work out issues in my life. So in the end, it will be a good thing. Right now it stinks, though. :) What should I listen to while I get ready for bed?
In a very Pink mood today. (I wonder if there's a way to turn the letters pink too. But I barely figured out how to post video on here. Soo.. maybe another day. ;)) Am going to make my own playlist of clean Pink songs after I get a shower, put in the laundry, etc. So how many songs do you think will make the list?? ;)

Monday, February 6, 2012

Have the cello home now. Love it! Played really bad Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star on it. :) Oh, oh, oh!! I love the sound!! Lessons start the 17th. Oh yeah! Will be listening to lots of Yo-Yo Ma between now and then. My favorite at the moment is Yo-Yo Ma Plays Ennio Morricone and Memoirs of a Geisha. :) Very excited!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

This is hard. Don't like it. Trying to focus on getting the cello tomorrow. This is torture. But I needed to learn patience right? Phooey! I will survive! It has only been 24 hrs. Thank goodness for music! Keeps me going. Goodnight world! :)
This song made me laugh tonight. Love Brad Paisley! There's also a hilarious video someone made of camo cars etc. that's even funnier.
So wait, is it plum tuckered out or plumb tuckered out??? I am NOT going to Google it! I am going to stop being obsessive & let it be. ;)
I am plum tuckered out!! LOL! But super happy & excited for this next week. I get to start cello lessons. Can't wait!!! And I get to go to the temple if I promise to be a good girl til then. I will, I will! Getting to go to the temple feels like visiting heaven. I highly recommend it! All around super week ahead! Yeep!! :) So, must be a good girl. Can't wait to get my hands on a cello!!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Oh poop! I'll fix it tomorrow! And now I'm going to sleep for real. :)
So I'm really tired & should go to sleep like a good girl. I will in a minute, I promise. But first this song. And I don't care if it's cheesy. I love it! Wonder if this link will work. Either way, goodnight everyone! :)
It's been a very good but very draining day. Just need to do a little laundry then I can sleep. Tiredly listening to the Waking Ned Devine soundtrack which I adore. Can you adore a soundtrack? I guess so. ;) Also my all-time favorite movie. :) Funny side note. Knew that I had mostly English ancestors. Thought that my second strongest heritage was Scottish. My mom and brother set me straight a couple months ago. My grandfather's mother was Danish. So I'm secondly Danish. Why I didn't know this when I have a husband who has so much Danish blood & I have a Danish last name, for pity's sake, I do not know! But thus it is. So we are the very Danish Jensens. :)
A good friend of ours had a serious stroke today. She's only 37. The entire left side of her body is paralyzed at the moment. Praying she regains her ability to move. Life is crazy! I'm really very spoiled when it comes down to it. I need to be grateful for what I have instead of crying for what I don't have. :)
Must go practice the organ now. I like the organ but I love the piano. May I not have to play any gosh awful hymns this week. 300 hymns in the book & for some reason we've been mostly singing the yucky ones. Please choose good ones this week!! I don't think I can stand too many bad ones tomorrow. :)
First chance I get on Mon or Tues, I'm going to rent a cello & sign up for lessons!! Tried violin 10 years ago. Didn't have enough time for it & didn't fall in love with it. Can't wait to get the cello home to try it. I think it'll be love this time. :)
My favorite hymn: O my Father, thou that dwellest in the high and glorious place, When shall I regain thy presence and again behold thy face? In thy holy habitation, did my spirit once reside? In my first primeval childhood, was I nurtured near thy side? For a wise and glorious purpose thou hast placed me here on earth And withheld the recollection of my former friends and birth; Yet ofttimes a secret something whispered, "You're a stranger here," And I felt that I had wandered from a more exalted sphere. I had learned to call thee Father, thru thy Spirit from on high, But, until the key of knowledge was restored, I knew not why. In the heavens are parents single? No, the thought makes reason stare! Truth is reason; truth eternal tells me I've a mother there. When I leave this frail existence, when I lay this mortal by, Father, Mother, may I meet you in your royal courts on high. Then, at length, when I've completed all you sent me forth to do, With your mutual approbation let me come and dwell with you.

Friday, February 3, 2012

New shoes for me & Jonathan & we are happy campers! :) He's going on a 3 mile hike tomorrow with a heavy backpack. Hopefully his new shoes don't give him blisters. ;)

Thursday, February 2, 2012

To anyone willing to read my ramblings, bless you! Have a good night!
Trying to recognize the fact that I can't control everything in my life. You'd think I'd have already figured this out by now. But I am rather stubborn & determined to get my way. Realizing that my way isn't always best. Things usually work out best when I relax & let them.
Well the muffins look great but they're so darn healthy, they have barely any flavor. Bah! They're great with cream cheese though. Problem sol-ved! ;) Remind me to use a less healthy recipe next time. ;) But it has been fun playing in the kitchen today. Maybe I'll pretend to be Martha Stewart one day a week or so. Yeah, that's good. Ack, what if I become domestic! Oh the horror! LOL!!
Ack, how did I not know that Florence & the Machine has a new album out?? Really, really like!! She finally gets her own Pandora station. Should have done that already. But, you know, some things take me a while. ;) Better late than never! :)
How do you fix the clock on this thing?? It's on PST. How do I get it on EST?? Will have to look it up. Barely figured out how to change my background. Now the time. Pretty soon, I'll be an expert. Look out world!! LOL!! ;)
It is 5:50 am & I am wide awake. :) What should I write about? Hmmmmmmm...,

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

It's been a great day. Gotta get a shower so I can take Mr. Brian to the pet store. We've been dragging our feet over the new pet. But today might be the day. We'll see. :) And then scouts this evening. So maybe I'll chatter later. Or who knows. Maybe it's just a quiet day. :) Finally listening to Coldplay's new album all the way through. Like! :)